John Constantine (New Earth)/Quotes
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Not to point any fingers, but as you can see, the world went into the toilet the minute you and the big salad disappeared. I'd say you've got some explaining to do. 
This is what happens because you didn't do your job. You didn't protect her like you're supposed to. Watch and learn, Buddy-Boy...
The vegetable twit got the better of me. That's a bloody first. Got to find him before there's a bloody second.
John, me boy, you've had some daft schemes in your day, but if this one goes pear-shaped... you're in for a right kicking.
I suppose it was only a matter of time. Swamp Thing returns? Bollocks.
You cheat the system, and it tries to compensate. Nobody really understands how or why, but it does. Magic is costly. You take what you didn't earn, but you pay for it.
My real problem is that London will kill me long before anyone else gets the chance. Not the people. The city.
My friend, we're not going to die, none of us -- not you, not me, certainly not this Earth.
Look, the Sandman's a fairy story you tell kids to get them off to sleep. Sprinkles magic dust in your eyes and brings you... sweet dreams. I'm trying to save the world, Mad Hettie, and you want to tell me fairy stories!
You're the adventurous sort. But I should at least warn you that you could be walking straight into hell.
My heart twitches like a dying beast crawled into the rank burrow of my chest to breathe its last. I'm cold, chilled to the marrow. I daren't even shut my eyes for fear of sleep and dreams.
C'mon then, you maggoty piece of Hell meat! Eat me! I'll bloody choke you!
This is where we started it and this is where it'll finish. This is the killing ground where I take my revenge -- just as soon as I work out exactly how.
We have to turn inwards. Enter the siege perilous-- and wrestle. It's not those grotesque, tired institutions of heaven and hell that are the problem-- it's the devils we know.
Jesus, we're all bloody doomed, aren't we? The entire species is flying off to Hell for its holidays. Somebody stop the world. I'm scared and I want to get off.
Hmm. I don't know if I'll get the hang of this survivalist business. I mean, what about washing -- and where's the toilet?
Feel it. That unmistakable thrill of excitement, crackling from groin to pineal gland -- signalling that here is danger, here are dark doings. Ignore it, John. You don't do that kind of shit anymore. You're starting to fit in here -- and it could do you some good. Don't blow it for the sake of a bad day.
I wonder where I got the idea that it was peaceful in the countryside. It's a bloody war-zone. Slowly but surely, everything's slipping into bad craziness again.
Les, did I do something awful today? Y'know, like push a cripple down a flight of stairs 'er poison some poor dog?
A clock that can forecast the future. What a load a bollocks. I mean, no matter what you do, it's the same for everyone. Ya get a dreary job, ya fall in love, ya have some kids, ya fall out a love, ya lose ya hair, ya get soft... it's ****ing depressing, so I'll have none of it!
Anyone who'd launch something like this against a train-load of people has got to be a bad guy.
Can't help it. I always lie to policemen -- it's the way I was brought up. Not that I did much talking -- all I had to do was keep oiling the machinery, and it all came pouring out.
I'm an occultist -- I like to know what's going on behind the scenes. Bad things've been happening to people I like. I think it's going to get worse and I want to do something about it.
Guilt is the province of the living.
Then, like the breaking of a dream, I hear the word again -- howled with the raging breath of fear in the madness on the train. Jallakuntilliokan.
It's serious magic, Errol. The sort that changes things -- permanently.
All these writers putting you into their books have blurred the edges more. Now more people think you're a work of fiction than know you as a man.
Something here is adding up to a bloody funny number.
The Tate Club told me to go !@#$ myself. Why should I stick my neck out for that bunch of self-important tossers?
Someone just walked over my grave.
You just about blew up the north of England, you stupid bastards! The missiles! Did you touch them?
What is it with you people? Do I have some kind of sign on me back, "Walking Sperm Bank - Withdrawals Welcome"? Is that it?
Jesus, this is serious. No wonder I've been hiding from it. Murder, it's got a pulse all its own -- slow, cold electricity. If it comes down to it, Constantine -- do you really think you can do it?
He's killed him, Chas. The bastard's done my dad. I should've thought. He always goes after families. If he gets me he'll kill Cheryl and the kid. I've got to get ahead of him.
When it comes to arrogant parasites, I've got a short fuse. So look out, suckers, here comes the revolution!
Executioners are always volunteers. They do it because they want to.
C'mon, Dad, cut this out, eh? I'm sorry, but it's done now. It's over. You're dead and cremated, mate. You're free -- you don't have to stay here anymore. Anyway, why take it out on the girl. If you want to haunt someone, haunt me. Where's your sense of humor, Pop? All sons kill their fathers, don't they say?
Can't do it, can you? You're pre-programmed, mate! So long as I do this, your instincts won't let you touch me! But of course, I'm not a dog... am I? So I can cheat.
Don't try to catch me, Marj. I'll drag you down. Don't trust me. Don't let me taint you. Hah hah! It's a disease, you see. Riddled with it, I am -- caught it from something I dug up as a kid.
It's the awful, lonely secret of the dead-boy's heart-- and you must keep it to your grave. But the very worst thing is -- once you know it -- you're a bogeyman too.
You need a broader experience to understand what makes people who they are -- how the patterns of the past inform the future.
Strewth, Chap -- Looks like you need a steak' for that shiner.
Yes, it's the truth. Incontrovertible -- you know it is. You killed him, murdered him in your dead mother's womb. You killed the Golden Boy, the Magus -- Killed the best part of yourself. You're as guilty as original sin. Condemned and hanged for it -- over and over again.
I'm the one who steps from the shadows, all trenchcoat and cigarette and arrogance, ready to deal with the madness. Oh, I've got it all sewn up. I can save you. If it takes the last drop of your blood, I'll drive your demons away. I'll kick them in the bollocks and spit on them when they're down, and then I'll be gone back into the darkness, leaving only a nod and a wink and a wisecrack. I walk my path alone... who would want to walk with me?
I pinned all my hopes on Brendan, and I'm sure he did the same thing with me and what a waste of time it all turned out as. And thank Christ we did it, because I'm pissed and happy and I'm with my mate. Thank bloody Christ.
Oh I see. There's some twat sitting somewhere with a pair of scales is there? Measuring good and evil in ounces? That's your problem mate. The whole bloody lot of you just wander about like a pack of wankers, seeing everything in black and white.
Can you see me now, all you friends I've lost and betrayed? Do you wish me well, then, or are you praying I'll be with you soon? Will you relish every scream when my blood starts hitting the floor, or will you turn away, afraid to look, the moment you've been waiting for too awful to look at, even for my sins? Sit back and enjoy the show.
The most dangerous moment of the most dangerous game I've ever played. If they fall for this bit, it'll all be plain sailing.
John Constantine, you have been found guilty of first degree cold hearted bastardy. Of being a twisted, evil frigger who sneaks and creeps his way out of trouble that those less privileged have no defense against.
I mean, I'm going to be forty in a couple of years. I can't go on pissing about with magic and stuff forever. Might be time I wised up a bit...
I shouldn't go looking for trouble anymore. I should... fall in love with a beautiful Irish woman and work tirelessly to get her into bed... heh...
It's not easy with Kit. I can't just ask her out, 'cause she makes me feel like some spotty bastard teenager. I need her to know for certain, right before the very first kiss... And I'm being followed by a ghost, which doesn't exactly help matters.
Christ, what a bloody awful mess!
The rest of them might be content to spend their time fighting the Crimson Dongbiter or whoever, but I wanted to do something worthwhile.
I think I'm going round the twist. For a second there I almost had meself believing 'em. This bloody place must be getting to me. It's so real, it's unreal.
I've had enough of this, Marston. Either you tell me what you want me for right now, or I send you straight to hell. What's it to be?
You killed them and you owe them something in return. Their flesh for your name, you bastard! Tell them your name!
It'll be bloody lethal if we screw it up. We'll end up with our bollocks ripped off. Make no mistake about it.
You're talking about putting the thing that used to be Jack the Ripper in charge of us? The bastard eats people, you headcase!
You'd better stay here, Danny... 'Cos if you try to get out of this house tonight, I'll kill you.
This place -- they're desecrating the bodies and it's buggering up the souls. They can't get into the afterlife. They're stuck.
And now she's got a bun in the oven, eh? Don't they have rubbers in Heaven?
Shit...! Forgot to give him the finger.
Disaster's snapping at my heels and it's time that I was somewhere far away. It's all up to me again, ennit? Somehow, I've got to stay ahead and get some news aces up my sleeve. But right now, all I really need's a smoke.
Heroic bloody Captain goes down with his ship, eh? You selfish, spineless git! What right have you got to just down tools and quit?
Love, I wouldn't if you were the last five-hundred-year-old mass murderer on earth.
'
This so-called team... we don't actually have to like each other, do we?
This is all my fault. I did what I always do. I gambled with the lives of my friends, and now Zee is gone. And the poor kid. I promised him he'd be okay.
I-I have no idea. And I'm afraid. Wait. I didn't want to admit that! I'm... I'm really terrified, and I can't hide it... I - I don't think I can lie!
Wait! Wait a minute. Let's talk. If I can just get you to stop and talk, I can distract you long enough for Orchid to smash you from behind. Dammit!
Get your capes and cowls on, you useless bastards... Someone's stolen the House of Mystery right out from under our bloody noses!!
I'm trying to stop the witch from destroying the world. I don't give a damn about the world, but if it goes, I go, too.
I didn't want to come to this vampire-infested dump. If you won't let me leave you... then I'm going to stay protected inside this magic circle while the vampires come and kill you. And then I'll be free of the whole lot of-- huh?'
Look, Zee, I'll admit it. I'm only doing this to get my hands on all the goodies in that room. I mean, we're talking about what could be the rarest collection of magical artifacts ever assembled under one roof. But I need your help. That lot in there knows better than to trust me. But they will trust you. If you come, they'll follow.
Marj was one of these organic garden back-to-nature types, and I've always been a great believer in just bunging something in the microwave.
Look, the Sandman's a fairy story you tell kids to get them off to sleep. Sprinkles magic dust in your eyes and brings you... sweet dreams. I'm trying to save the world, Mad Hettie, and you want to tell me fairy stories!
It's comin' all right. And it'll be bloody hard t'miss when it gets here. What with it flyin' the Jolly Roger!
You an' the cabbage haven't called it quits now, have you? Bloody hell! You have, haven't you?
I hate t'interrupt, but I've got some information you might be interested in... There again, maybe yer not, seeing how yer busy bonkin' the nanny and all--
My name's John Constantine, and I think we could do each other a favor. Mind if I smoke?
Hmm. Complete regeneration in fifty-one seconds. That's pretty good. I told you you'd learn something if you stuck with me.
See, as it happens, I've got a couple of front row tickets for the end of the universe. I thought it'd be best to use them now. I mean, you never know... There may not be a second performance.
We're on a satellite. It belonged to a bloke called the Monitor. He's dead now. Can't see this place lasting long without him, somehow.
There must have been hundreds of them. Crows... they're an omen, aren't they? They mean bad luck. A great big cloud of bad luck. Fanning out across the sky. Covering the world. Not that I'm superstitious personally, you understand. I mean these aren't the Dark Ages. At least, not yet.
Blue Beetle didin't set the whole world balls-up just so's he could roger his favorite dolly-girl, did he? Now out of simple self-preservation I'm willin' to muck in an try to set everything straight... But I was hopin' you might ease up on the whinin' and bitchin' and let us get on with it, eh?
Yer a little late for the party. And what's with your friend? I thought he was the one we threw this bash for? You bollixed it up, didn't ya?
Anyhow, this here says something about an artifact -- "The Claw of Elk Hound" -- which was used to send the old fruit "on his way".
"Elk-Hound" is an anagram for "Alec Holland," which means that somehow this claw belongs to the missing old fruit himself.
You want to go. I want you to go. I want to get you the hell off Earth and slam the door shut the minute you're gone. Do we have a deal?
See: John Constantine
- "Name's John Constantine. I'm not the nicest bloke you've met."
- "I'm a nasty piece of work, Chief. Ask anybody."
- "I'm the one who steps from the shadows, all trenchcoat and cigarette and arrogance, ready to deal with the madness. Oh, I've got it all sewn up. I can save you. If it takes the last drop of your blood, I'll drive the demons away. I'll kick them in the bollocks and spit on them when they're down, and then I'll be gone back into the darkness, leaving only a nod, a wink and a wisecrack. I walk my path alone... who would want to walk with me?"
- "C'mon then, you maggoty piece of Hell meat! Eat me! I'll bloody choke you!"
- "I don't play the fool with you pal. I make the fool of you!"
- "Careful, now. Nearly went to war over me, and you know what'll happen then! You'll tear Hell apart. Not wise."
- "I beat the devil. I beat all three of the bastards. And got them to cure my sodding lung cancer while I was at it."
- "My name's John Constantine, and I think we could do each other a favor. Mind if I smoke?"
- "Guilt is the province of the living."
- "Just what the world needs, eh? Another grotty, dim-witted clod of a film to add to the cultural wasteland."
- "When it comes to arrogant parasites, I've got a short fuse. So look out, suckers, here comes the revolution!"
