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This page contains a listing of all notable quotes by Joker (New Earth).

It may not be the definitive list, so please add any important quotations that may be missing, ensuring to cite the original source.
Pages with a quote from this character will automatically be added here along with the quote.

(This template will categorize articles that include it into Category:Quotes.)
Quote1 Although the Ace Chemical Plant has been shut down for over a decade, it maintains historical significance as the birthplace of one of Gotham City's most infamous criminals. Quote2
--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 You cheezed me off by messing in my affairs. Normally, I eviscerate people for that. Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 ' Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Oh, the rich and powerfull! Takes them a while to get they're being laughed at! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Don't bother me! I'm busy being upset! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Life, dear Greg, is a theater of the absurd. Be honest and gentle, and a man goes to a pauper's grave. Lie and cheat and kill, and that same man could rule the world! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 All I've ever wanted... is to have a good time. And to annoy Batman, whenever possible, of course. And to one day murder Batman and defile his carcass sexually. And a pony. Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Here's the cold, hard truth Bats...I don't hate you 'cause I'm crazy...I'm crazy 'cause I hate you. Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Vote for me or I'll kill you. Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Over the past few weeks, I've felt some changes coming over me since you entered my life. I've been reminded of what's it like to be part of a couple, to care for someone who cares for me. It's the first time in recent memory I've had those feelings...and I hate having those feelings! They're upsetting, confusing and worse, distracting me from getting my share of Gotham now that the getting's good! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 You're too late, Batsy. Way too late. Hee. Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 This is the part you've been waiting your whole life for, Buddy. A "clown" with so much pain inside. Show me that pain. Show the world. Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 This film is my story. It's everything about me the world should know. That's why the genius of Buddy Kantor is in the lead. No lesser light could reveal my brilliance. But life is not all yin. There's a lot of yang out there. With a virtuoso playing me, only the best man out there could play my antagonist. We need that balance. So it struck me: why settle for an actor? Get the real thing. Film that bad man, Batman himself in real-life action! I can't settle for less. I won't!! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Like the fella says, money can't buy friends, but it gives you a better class of enemies. Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Why won't you leave me alone--both of you? I hate you! I hate you! Bat-wings, clown-face--pushing me down/cutting me up/can't stay afloat/can't catch my breath! Oh, God, it hurts! Oh, God, I'm drowning! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Oh, Rebecca, I'm so sorry! I didn't want to go away! I didn't want to leave you alone! But I had to do it, don't you see? Had to push the sight of you, the scent of you, the heart and soul of you away! Blot you out, drive you down! Obliterate you! Because--once he came back...I had to come back...too. Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 I hope you all have insurance. It's going to cost a lot to pay the teams who scrape you off the walls! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 A lunatic goes into a butcher shop and says: "A bag of carrots, please." "This is a butcher's! Get lost!" Next day, same lunatic, same shop. "A bag of carrots, please." "I told you- this is a butcher shop! Now beat it! Next time I'll nail your feet to the ground!" Third day, same lunatic, same shop. "A bag of nails, please." "This is a butcher shop. We don't have any nails!" "In that case, I'll have a bag of carrots!" Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Look on the bright side, Killer--even a phoney dead Batman is better than no dead Batman! Ha Ha! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 My friend, I like your style. Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 You know what they say, "dead men tell no tales." Hm. Which doesn't help a man trying to build a reputation in this town. Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 I'm not exactly sure what happened. Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another... If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 This town isn't big enough for two homicidal maniacs. Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Quick question. When the clock strikes twelve -- do I get a little kiss? Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 One by one, they'll hear my call. Then this wicked town, will follow my fall. Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 If you were going for deformity you're using the wrong tools. If you were going for pain you're in all the wrong places. You just kept working an already broken jaw. Just wear out your wrist that way. No concept of craft. Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 God's been good to me. I mean, Gotham is just a peach cobbler in the morning. Don't you think? Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Funny thing is. I much prefer a knife to a gun. It's hard to get precision from guns. I manage but it took some doing. You understand. I can tell. Few do. Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Crime hasn't been all that good to me of late. I've been spending more time in Arkham Asylum than out. Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 You've been a bad boy. You must be punished! Prepare yourself for a severe spanking, young man. But let me tell you right from the start... this is going to hurt you a lot more than it does me. Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Now isn't this touching! My old pals Superham and Batpest, have come to congratulate me! It's true guys. I'm the new Iranian Ambassador to the U.N.! Eat your hearts out. Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Never give them what they expect. Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Fyah! Never should've used Stirk! Too unstable! After all, he's crazy! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Didn't you hear, Scarecrow? Bats may be dead on his feet... In perfect position to become dead on his back! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Is this some kind of -- joke? Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 How 'bout if I just kill you all? Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 I did it! I finally killed Batman! In front of a bunch of vulnerable, disabled kids!!! Now get me Santa Claus! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Both of us trying to find meaning in a meaningless world! Why be a disfigured outcast when I can be a notorious Crime God? Why be an orphaned boy when you can be a superhero? You can't kill me without becoming like me. I can't kill you without losing the only human being who can keep up with me. Isn't it IRONIC?! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 you really want to know how it feels to be the clown at midnight? Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Kid... I'm the Joker. I don't just randomly kill people. I kill people when it's funny. What would be conceivably funny about killing you? Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 I'm not mad at all. I'm just differently sane. Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Ugliest fly I ever seen... Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Tell me Goldenrod. How could you have any idea what kind of bright and sunny concepts I might have percolating inside this beautiful mind of mine? Are you Carnac under there? Kreskin? Uri Geller maybe? Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 You're a photographer. You have the all-seeing eye on the camera, but your lens cap is still on. You're out of focus! You can't see the big picture! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 There’s a little piece of me inside you, by way of my Joker Venom. That sort of makes us family. Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 I'm only doing this for your own good! We thieves have to stick together, my dear... even if I have to tear your mind to pieces to do it! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 I derive far more pleasure from our continual battles of wits than I would from his single death... but to destroy his effectiveness -- to take away the anonymity he so loves -- that would be a pleasure. Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 By all means. Perhaps the rushes will reveal something. The camera never lies y'know. Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world...you walk into mine. Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Something's not right... something... I can't put my finger on it... something's different... the way he moves... the ferocity... the lack of grace... the sheer brutality...
It's. Not. Him.
It's not bloody him!
Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 I know you, Batman. When you approach a hostage situation like I put you in tonight -- you probably assume the victim is already dead. Oh, sure, you do everything you can to save them anyway, because that's you. But you don't really dare hope, do you? After tonight, though -- you'll never be able to do that again. Will you? Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Fear? Now you're talking, cartoon boy! There's nothing like a little fear to counteract apathy. Once they're afraid, they'll really start to care! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 He shot my knee! I may never...oh...like your daughter! I get it! Good one Commissioner! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Welcome to the 21st century, Batman. There are no civilians anymore... and really, there never were! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Kind of funny, us running into each other this way, huh? You'll never believe it, but I couldn't have planned this. Not in a million years. I just happened to be out, enjoying the holiday atmosphere when I saw you with those thugs on your tail. So I thought, "Hey, the kid's in trouble. Why not cut him a break?" I mean, we never do this -- just hang out. We're always trying to, I don't know... is "destroy each other" too melodramatic? Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 A misstep. An aberration. Cricket chirps after a failed joke. Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 He's hit an artery! Help me Bat-Samaritan! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Sleek, black, power, baby, I could ride that Cadillac all night long Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 If I wasn't already, I think this kid could actually drive me crazy. Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 So this little virtual-voodoo satellite turns my wonderful thoughts into reality? I think, therefore they suffer?... It's kinky! I like it! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 But what frightens you, I wonder? What makes you, gentle reader, soak your pants and run screaming for your momma when the lights go out? I have some thoughts on the subject, to be sure... but why not consult an expert on such things? Why, I just have the man in mind. But be careful... this doctor of psychiatry isn't just a perennial favorite among the inmates at dear old Arkham Asylum... He's also a client! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 So, who's the real sicko, America? Me, for carrying out this little prank? The producers and executives at the network, who let it all happen-- or is it you people, who mindlessly watched it all on your television sets? Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Relax... I anticipated this. See, the chemical compounds of the puke gas combine with the active ingredients in the metagene whacker... which I'm told is a frothy little gumbo mixing all our D.N.A. signatures like some meta-melting pot. Stir 'em up and they create a third formula. One I know something about. Hee... it's our ace in the hole. Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Good grief... I'm becoming the straight man in the act. Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day. You had a bad day once. Am I right? I know I am. I can tell. You had a bad day and everything changed. Why else would you dress up like a flying rat? You had a bad day, and it drove you as crazy as everybody else... Only you won't admit it! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Y'know, ladies and germs -- I've got my foot on the on the destruct switch even as we speak -- and it would be just like me to activate it. But, considering the day I'm having... I just know that it wouldn't work. And I'd be sitting here with egg on my face. Again. Well I'm crazy, ladies and germs, but not that crazy. I WANNA GO BACK TO ARKHAM!!! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Whoa. Well...mommy always said...I was a little crazy!! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 I killed you! You're dead! Dead! Dead! Well, just have to kill him again, that's all. Kill the little birdie. Yes, yes. First things first, though. Things to do. Places to go. People to kill... Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 As I surmised. You're not the same Robin. The new costume is trés chic. A bit of a runt, aren't we? Kicked out the nest too soon? Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Jingle bells, Robin smells. Batman's gone away. It'll be a Merry Christmas, 'cause the Joker's here to stay! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 You want to hear about some real childhood trauma? You want to hear a story that'll twist your guts? Happened to a friend of mine. His name is Robin -- the Boy Wonder. Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Losing your temper yet, Lex? I'll let you in on a little secret. I lost my temper long, long ago, and I've never found it. Maybe it's under one of the sofa cushions! Pain? You can't stop me by hurting me! Don't you know me at all? Pain is my boon companion! My stalwart friend! I am alive with pain every moment of every day, Lex! Ever since that fateful day when I was baptized in a vat of chemical goo, that corrosive stuff has burned through my skin like fire. Pain is my One True Love! I admire your willingness to do violence, Lex. Because you have no problem doing it when you have to. But I'm different, Lex. I do violence because it's fun! You're good at your job, Lex. But me? I LOVE MY JOB! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 The problem with you kids today is that you have no culture of your own so you're always ripping off other eras! The fifties?! The seventies?! Puh-lease! They were hideous enough once! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 Whoa. Well...mommy always said...I was a little crazy!! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 After all these years of mentally fencing with the Batman, dealing with a muscle-bound clod like Superman is like taking a vacation! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)

Quote1 The likes of us working for a guy called Superman?! What an outrageous joke! Quote2

--Joker (New Earth)
Quote1 It was you all right! I remember the taste of my blood! You always make me taste my blood! Quote2
--Joker


Quote1 You shot me in the leg! How will I walk...oh, just like your daughter. Good one, Commissioner! (laughing) Quote2
--The Joker[src]


Quote1 I did it! I finally killed Batman! In front of a bunch of vulnerable, disabled kids!!!! Now get me Santa Claus! Quote2
--Joker


Quote1 C'mon-c'mon, I want you to do it, I wanchatdodoit. Hit me, HIT ME! Quote2
--Joker (New Earth)[src]


Batman: The Killing Joke

Quote1 Any man can have one really bad day and end up just like me. Quote2
--The Joker[src]


Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth

Quote1 Parting is such sweet sorrow, dearest. Still, you can't say we didn't show you a good time. Enjoy yourself out there... in the asylum. Just don't forget -- if it ever gets too tough... there's always a place for you here. Quote2
--The Joker


Quote1 Oh, the irony! Me, flying out from the darkness--like a bat. You know what I love about the darkness, Batman? I can see my reflection in it. My face is the face of the deep. And it goes on forever. What do you see? Do you see your reflection? Is that why you sit in the darkness? Answer me! When you stare at the darkness, does it stare back at you? Quote2
--Joker


Quote1 Ahh, it's about time. And the earth was without form, and void--and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And I said, Let there be light! I saaaaid...LET THERE BE LIGHT! Well. This is taking longer than expected. Perhaps the Bat is slowing down in his old age-- Quote2
--Joker