Joker (New Earth)/Quotes
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Although the Ace Chemical Plant has been shut down for over a decade, it maintains historical significance as the birthplace of one of Gotham City's most infamous criminals. 
You cheezed me off by messing in my affairs. Normally, I eviscerate people for that.
Hey Kano! Which part of "Batman no longer exists" don't you understand?! Hablo "No Batman"?
Oh, the rich and powerfull! Takes them a while to get they're being laughed at!
Well, that hurts. If you truly look, Batgirl... you'll see I'm the only man in the world capable of showing love.
Anyhow, She-Bat... you just might get naughty and try to do the old midnight divorce on me, right? So I decided to help myself to your arms and legs, Sweety-Boo. Call it the best pre-nup ever.
We outnumber you, six to two! Democratic convention means that our consensus view of reality holds good! You're the lunatics now!
All I've ever wanted... is to have a good time. And to annoy Batman, whenever possible, of course. And to one day murder Batman and defile his carcass sexually. And a pony.
Here's the cold, hard truth Bats...I don't hate you 'cause I'm crazy...I'm crazy 'cause I hate you.
Vote for me or I'll kill you.
You're too late, Batsy. Way too late. Hee.
Why won't you leave me alone--both of you? I hate you! I hate you! Bat-wings, clown-face--pushing me down/cutting me up/can't stay afloat/can't catch my breath! Oh, God, it hurts! Oh, God, I'm drowning!
Oh, Rebecca, I'm so sorry! I didn't want to go away! I didn't want to leave you alone! But I had to do it, don't you see? Had to push the sight of you, the scent of you, the heart and soul of you away! Blot you out, drive you down! Obliterate you! Because--once he came back...I had to come back...too.
I hope you all have insurance. It's going to cost a lot to pay the teams who scrape you off the walls!
I'm not exactly sure what happened. Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another... If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice!
This town isn't big enough for two homicidal maniacs.
Quick question. When the clock strikes twelve -- do I get a little kiss?
One by one, they'll hear my call. Then this wicked town, will follow my fall.
If you were going for deformity you're using the wrong tools. If you were going for pain you're in all the wrong places. You just kept working an already broken jaw. Just wear out your wrist that way. No concept of craft.
God's been good to me. I mean, Gotham is just a peach cobbler in the morning. Don't you think?
Funny thing is. I much prefer a knife to a gun. It's hard to get precision from guns. I manage but it took some doing. You understand. I can tell. Few do.
Crime hasn't been all that good to me of late. I've been spending more time in Arkham Asylum than out.
Oh, I knew you could never have killed Bats. But you could keep him busy while I mended from my last encounter with him. It's so good knowing I could control things, even from my hospital bed. What a shame he's got a new brat though. Still, easy come, easy go!
Fyah! Never should've used Stirk! Too unstable! After all, he's crazy!
Didn't you hear, Scarecrow? Bats may be dead on his feet... In perfect position to become dead on his back!
Is this some kind of -- joke?
I ask you, what's a man got to do to get some attention in this burg?
I did it! I finally killed Batman! In front of a bunch of vulnerable, disabled kids!!! Now get me Santa Claus!
How does it feel to be the clown at midnight?
Kid... I'm the Joker. I don't just randomly kill people. I kill people when it's funny. What would be conceivably funny about killing you?
See, that's the thing, it's always business with us, lately. Business, business, business. So this time, I took care of all that early, so we can relax and have ourselves a nice chat. Face to face... to face (hee-hee).
Sit down, and you'll find out. Fight your destiny... you'll never find a single trace of any of them, ever. You'll grow old wondering what happened to them. What I did to each one... Now SIT YOUR #%^ DOWN!''
Because we have an understanding. I'll bet you've said it to them these past few days, haven't you? "You don't understand him." Sure you have, because the ugly truth of it is, Batsss *sigh* is that you love me more than them.
I'm not mad at all. I'm just differently sane.
It's time for the Bat King to destroy all the vampires in his life. You've sucked the marrow from his broken bones long enough.
Tell me Goldenrod. How could you have any idea what kind of bright and sunny concepts I might have percolating inside this beautiful mind of mine? Are you Carnac under there? Kreskin? Uri Geller maybe?
Do to him? Well... you could marry him. But of course, he'd start lying around too much, eating pizza, watching tv, all that snuggling at night. He'd become a soft blob.
You're a photographer. You have the all-seeing eye on the camera, but your lens cap is still on. You're out of focus! You can't see the big picture!
There’s a little piece of me inside you, by way of my Joker Venom. That sort of makes us family.
By all means. Perhaps the rushes will reveal something. The camera never lies y'know.
Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world...you walk into mine.
I want you...OFF MY SET!
I know you, Batman. When you approach a hostage situation like I put you in tonight -- you probably assume the victim is already dead. Oh, sure, you do everything you can to save them anyway, because that's you. But you don't really dare hope, do you? After tonight, though -- you'll never be able to do that again. Will you?
'Fear? Now you're talking, Cartoon Boy! There's nothing like a little fear to counteract apathy. Once they're afraid, they'll really start to care!
He shot my knee! I may never...oh...like your daughter! I get it! Good one Commissioner!
Kind of funny, us running into each other this way, huh? You'll never believe it, but I couldn't have planned this. Not in a million years. I just happened to be out, enjoying the holiday atmosphere when I saw you with those thugs on your tail. So I thought, "Hey, the kid's in trouble. Why not cut him a break?" I mean, we never do this -- just hang out. We're always trying to, I don't know... is "destroy each other" too melodramatic?
This is a violation of my civil rights! A man should be able to slaughter in peace!
A misstep. An aberration. Cricket chirps after a failed joke.
He's hit an artery! Help me Bat-Samaritan!
Sleek, black, power, baby, I could ride that Cadillac all night long
If I wasn't already, I think this kid could actually drive me crazy...
So this little virtual-voodoo satellite turns my wonderful thoughts into reality? I think, therefore they suffer?... It's kinky! I like it!
So, who's the real sicko, America? Me, for carrying out this little prank? The producers and executives at the network, who let it all happen-- or is it you people, who mindlessly watched it all on your television sets?
Relax... I anticipated this. See, the chemical compounds of the puke gas combine with the active ingredients in the metagene whacker... which I'm told is a frothy little gumbo mixing all our D.N.A. signatures like some meta-melting pot. Stir 'em up and they create a third formula. One I know something about. Hee... it's our ace in the hole.
Good grief... I'm becoming the straight man in the act.
You know, this last year's been a real snooze to watch, Bat-Fake. I mean, you coming back here, desperate to prove yourself... being all serious... Yawn!
The invitation did say it was a surprise party. And what kind of host would I be... if I didn't have a little something extra for the worst of the bat-fakes? The one that makes my Batman the weakest.
What happened to your sense of humor, Son? You and I - we were quite a team in our day, weren't we? I'd write the material. You'd read your lines. But you had to go and improvise the big finale, didn't you?
I killed you! You're dead! Dead! Dead! Well, just have to kill him again, that's all. Kill the little birdie. Yes, yes. First things first, though. Things to do. Places to go. People to kill...
As I surmised. You're not the same Robin. The new costume is trés chic. A bit of a runt, aren't we? Kicked out the nest too soon?
Jingle bells, Robin smells. Batman's gone away. It'll be a Merry Christmas, 'cause the Joker's here to stay!
Losing your temper yet, Lex? I'll let you in on a little secret. I lost my temper long, long ago, and I've never found it. Maybe it's under one of the sofa cushions! Pain? You can't stop me by hurting me! Don't you know me at all? Pain is my boon companion! My stalwart friend! I am alive with pain every moment of every day, Lex! Ever since that fateful day when I was baptized in a vat of chemical goo, that corrosive stuff has burned through my skin like fire. Pain is my One True Love! I admire your willingness to do violence, Lex. Because you have no problem doing it when you have to. But I'm different, Lex. I do violence because it's fun! You're good at your job, Lex. But me? I LOVE MY JOB!
The problem with you kids today is that you have no culture of your own so you're always ripping off other eras! The fifties?! The seventies?! Puh-lease! They were hideous enough once!
Yes, but is there something on your face, Harley? There it is. Here, let me get it off. *WHACK* Got it! I think it was a small touch of hubris. But it's gone now.
Because once I didn't care about the rules anymore, I had all the power. We all have it inside of us. We just got to let it out. And I can show you how...
Whoa. Well...mommy always said...I was a little crazy!!
After all these years of mentally fencing with the Batman, dealing with a muscle-bound clod like Superman is like taking a vacation!
The likes of us working for a guy called Superman?! What an outrageous joke!
How best to hurt you? By making your pimple patrol the very cause of your agita.
It was you all right! I remember the taste of my blood! You always make me taste my blood!
- --Joker
- I did it! I finally killed Batman! In front of a bunch of vulnerable, disabled kids!!!! Now get me Santa Claus!
- --Joker
- C'mon-c'mon, I want you to do it, I wanchatdodoit. Hit me, HIT ME!
Batman: The Killing Joke
Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth
- Parting is such sweet sorrow, dearest. Still, you can't say we didn't show you a good time. Enjoy yourself out there... in the asylum. Just don't forget -- if it ever gets too tough... there's always a place for you here.
- Oh, the irony! Me, flying out from the darkness--like a bat. You know what I love about the darkness, Batman? I can see my reflection in it. My face is the face of the deep. And it goes on forever. What do you see? Do you see your reflection? Is that why you sit in the darkness? Answer me! When you stare at the darkness, does it stare back at you?
- --Joker
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