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Darlene Spritzer (New Earth)

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Quote1 I swear them buns get sweeter, Darl! Quote2
-- Lobo src

Darlene Spritzer was the dedicated, voluptuous waitress at Al's Diner, one of Lobo's favourite haunts.

Space City Robinson

Darlene worked for Al when he opened his first diner on Space City Robinson. It was there she first encountered the crass bounty hunter, Lobo, who first greeted her with a pinch on her behind and was immediately rebuked. She was not impressed by his behaviour at all, which included objectifying her, ignoring the no smoking sign and ordering a six-pack of beer for breakfast. Not to mentioned he wrecked the brand new the diner in a brawl and left without paying.[1]

Lobo returned to Al's for a second time, solely based on the memory of Darlene. The diner had only just finished being refurbished when her dreaded first customer returned, once again grabbing her inappropriately as she led him to his table. She calmly rebuffed his lewd advances until he transformed into a werewolf and destroyed the diner again.[2]

With increasing insurance costs, Al advertised a back room for rent, and unfortunately Lobo took it. Darlene had been receiving sexist letters from an anonymous admirer which were seriously upsetting her. Al was concerned. Lobo, on the other hand, could understand the creep's infatuation. Darlene furiously gave Lobo a piece of her mind about his degrading attitude towards women. Lobo was so taken aback he even saw things from her perspective briefly, and offered to take care of the pervert for her.[3]

After this, despite his barbaric, backwards nature, Darlene started to warm up to Lobo. When she saw him appear in a music video, she even admitted he looked "hunky" on TV and requested his autograph. Lobo ruined it by signing her chest.[4]

The constant need to rebuild his business forced Al and Darlene to pack up and abandon the diner. Darlene tried to talk him out of leaving, actually defending Lobo by explaining he never means to cause trouble, he really likes the diner, and he's "cute." Al didn't want to give up on his dream either, but they left in secret for Planet Malteez.[5]

Hammer City

In Hammer City they opened up a new diner, only to discover Lobo lived above them! He greeted Darlene in the usual handsy manner and impatiently treated her as waitress.[6] Even with Lobo's shady behaviour regarding his P.I. job, Darlene continued to allow him the benefit of the doubt, even through it led to the destruction of the entire city except for the diner.[7] With no prospects, Lobo announced he was leaving the city. Darlene was disappointed and tenderly kissed him goodbye. Lobo invited her upsatirs, but she quietly told him not to spoil the moment. Afterwards, Darlene prepared to leave with Al, since there were no longer any people to eat at their diner, but they were taken hostage by Django and his Killa Rasta Gangstaz to draw out Lobo. Al considered themselves good as dead, but Darlene believed Lobo's streak of nobility would win out. Fortunately Lobo did return to save them. Hammer City was rebuilt, and Al and Darlene prospered, being the only restaurant in town to feed all the construction workers.[8]

The Hammer City diner made Al rich, and he and Darlene organised a surprise birthday for Lobo. She gave him a bomb detector as a present - in love heart wrapping - to keep him safe, but he was more interested in getting blown up. When a scantily clad woman burst out of the cake to Lobo's excitement, Darlene indignantly claimed it was insulting to women, but Lobo called her out, saying she was just jealous. She slapped him across the face and retreated to the kitchen in tears. She was soon joined by the female entertainer who told her they were all just children not worth crying over and the two got drunk together. Wanting to give the boys a taste of their own medicine, the ladies held them at gunpoint and told them to strip and get in the cake.[9]

Slam City

For a long time Darlene thought she was all that remained of her family, until she received a letter from the law firm of Sue, Grabcash & B'Damt, requesting her appearance at the reading of her uncle Jasper's will on Slam City. Aware that it was a dangerous city, Darlene retained Lobo as a bodyguard to escort her.[10] Two attempts were made on her life before she even landed in Slam City, and the disgruntled Koontz family contested the will after she inherited virtually all of his assets, which was Slam City itself, valued around one trillion credits! Of course this was because Jasper Koontz was the godfather of crime in the city, making Darlene the new capo di capo.[11]

Darlene was not comfortable becoming a crime lord, but Lobo protected her and took the lead. After yet another lascivious proposition from Lobo after once more saving her life from assassins, Darlene furiously reproached him, telling him not to speak to her again until he could act like a gentleman. Lobo showed up that night dressed in a tuxedo with a bouquet of roses. He escorted her to dinner at a nice restaurant and won her over. Darlene loved the new, classy Lobo, until he ruined the whole evening by asking if now they could go to bed. She stormed away only to be kidnapped in the ladies room. Her absence led to another family member taking over the business, immediately sentencing Lobo to the chain gang.[12] It was Darlene's cousin, Zulya, who had been trying to kill her cousin all along. She bound Darlene and her grandmother to a death trap from which they cut themselves free, then found Lobo's Spazz-Frag 666. While she was figuring out how to pilot it, Lobo called it to abscond from his incarceration, as well as the imminent destruction of Slam City, which they barely managed to escape before it was consumed by the Dizzney Black Hole.[13]

Powers

  • Darlene was originally portrayed with green eyes until Lobo (Volume 2) #28 when they were coloured blue for the first time.
  • Darlene was orphaned as a girl. She believed her entire family had perished in the "big kitchen disaster" when she was a child, only learning about her surviving uncle, Jasper Koontz, after his death many years later.[11]
  • Despite being outspoken about the degradation of women, Darlene never had a problem with wearing provocative uniforms at the diner.[3]

Related


Footnotes


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