"The Battle of Fabletown": The army of Wooden Soldiers reached Fabletown. The fables start firing off their guns from behind the barriers, though the bullets didn't seem to have much effect. Snow watched from the Woodlands balcony with Flycatcher, who relayed her or
- Obey me, woman, or you'll discover just how much shit I can unleash on Fabletown citizens who piss me off!
- -- Snow White
Appearing in "The Battle of Fabletown"
- Prince Charming
- Jack Horner
- Pinocchio (Apparent Death)
- Boy Blue
- Weyland Smith
- King Cole
- Rose Red
- Frau Totenkinder
- Bigby Wolf
- The Cow that jumped over the moon
- Mr. Toad
- The Three Bears
- Dr. Swineheart
- 13th Floor Witches
Synopsis for "The Battle of Fabletown"
The army of Wooden Soldiers reached Fabletown. The fables start firing off their guns from behind the barriers, though the bullets didn't seem to have much effect. Snow watched from the Woodlands balcony with Flycatcher, who relayed her orders through walky-talky to Prince Charming. It wasn't long before the barriers fell and Bullfinch Street was overrun by the wooden army. Prince Charming pulled everyone back. Snow waited until every last enemy soldier had stepped onto their turf, so as to keep the Mundys from noticing any more than they already have, then she gave the go ahead to the grenadiers. The flying Farm animals unloaded their payload on the mass of black suits and wooden limbs below, softening them up, but not enough to stop their advance. Next, Snow White called in Fabletown's big brawlers, like Hobbes in his goblin form, and Weyland Smith. Even Boy Blue, though small in size, jumped in the fray wielding the powerful Vorpal Blade. Meanwhile, the other Fables retreated to the Woodland courtyard. The soldiers who weren't currently engaged followed after them. But when they got close, the sandbags around the front gate were pulled away to reveal a set of large cannons pointed in their direction.
Weyland Smith ducks the splintered remains flying overhead. As the dust settles, Weyland triumphantly gloats to the "toy soldiers" that they didn't have any fight left in them. They respond by shooting him several times in the back. Boy Blue starts to call for a medic, when a bullet pierces through his chest.
Inside, Dr. Swineheart has converted the Woodlands main office into a hospital for those who have been wounded in the fight. Off to the side was a makeshift mortuary for Fables that have fallen in battle. Pinocchio demands to be let outside, but Jack Horner holds him back.
As soon as the heavy fighters started to lose their ground, Snow ordered the car horn to be sounded. The signal was for the big guys to retreat so that Clara the raven can do her stuff. Not all manage to make it safely, as Papa and Mama bear see their son, Boo, get gunned down as he tries to clear the street. Up above, Clara unleashes her flames down on the surprised invaders. Their wood bodies catch fire quickly as they realize the fate that has befallen them. Pinocchio looks on as the soldiers are set ablaze and immediately panics. He yells at Jack to warn Snow White what she's done. For he knew better than any of them that, yes, wood burns, but not quickly. All she did was create a self-aware walking inferno.
Out in the middle of the blaze, the soldier army decide that though they're irrevocably doomed, it would be fun to at least take as many "meatheads" with them as they can. Pinocchio rushes outside to try and stop the chaos, hoping the wooden soldiers would recognize him and stop attacking. His head is sliced off by a soldiers axe. Unable to see barely anything through their own flaming bodies, the soldiers carry on, believing it was just another foolish meathead they had dispatched.
Snow watches it all from the balcony. She picks up the phone and dials in to the 13th Floor, ordering the witches to make it rain. Frau Totenkinder argues that Snow's instructions were for them to concentrate on making the fight unnoticeable by Mundys. Snow yells that rain will keep Mundys inside and out of their business. In not so polite words, she tells Frau to obey her or there will be trouble.
While the other witches perform the spell, Frau steals herself away to "teach an impudent woman a well-deserved lesson".
The rest of the Fables fight with fire-hoses to try and put out the flaming soldiers. The battle seems to be lost. Then, a gust of wind starts to pick up, getting stronger and stronger until it becomes like a small hurricane, blowing the flames out and sending the soldiers away into a heap of broken parts. The Fables come out from cover as the wind dies back down again. Bigby Wolf, in his giant wolf form, greets them.
- This book was first published on June 9, 2004.
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