You're eating poo? You let me eat poo? 
Fairest #14 is an issue of the series Fairest (Volume 1) with a cover date of June, 2013.
Synopsis for "Aldered States"
Princess Alder is quite fair, but her attractiveness has done more than a little attracting among the single men of Fabletown and The Farm, the latter of which is where the Dryad has taken up her home.
Her most recent suitor was Mr. Pickles, the fishmonger. Their first date had gone poorly from the start, with his initial offering of dead, cut, flowers - a bouquet of roses. She had been forced to make the comparison between giving her a bouquet of roses verses giving him a bouquet of dead gerbils. The next was Trotty Veck, who made an inappropriate remark about how she might splinter his genitals, and suggested that he had heard she was easy. That rumour had started before she had been informed by Bo Peep about the norms of Mundies. Bemoaning her unfortunate dating life, Reynard the Fox suggests that he might be a good choice.
Having only just been made able to turn into a human form, thanks to Ozma, he admits that he is unapproachably handsome. After an hour of discussion, it is decided that the two should go on a date.
By way of preparation, Bo Peep forbids Princess Alder from participating in any further naked-dating. The mystery, she says, is essential to the early part of romance, despite the fact that Reynard has already seen Alder naked. Peter Piper, meanwhile, prepares Reynard for his date, warning against flowers, candles, chocolates - or any traditional first-date gifts. He must compliment her, but not too much. Reynard smirks at the fact that his first ever human date is being advised by a man who has never been on one, thanks to his having married his childhood sweetheart.
While Bo Peep was kind enough to cook Reynard a meal of lasagna, Alder prepared her own meal - her favourite, saved for special occasions - but refuses to allow him a bite, given that he wouldn't like it. Insisting, Reynard helps himself, and almost immediately vomits it back up. With a thin-lipped smile, Alder explains that it was manure. In response to his incredulity, she explains that she also enjoys decayed carcass and various mulches. Still manure is her favourite. This particular casserole was made with local droppings - which prompts Reynard to realize that he likely ate some of his own poo.
In an attempt to salvage the evening, Reynard compliments Alder's appearance, and moves in for a kiss. Alder is receptive, but her unfortunate choice of meal gives her breath a bouquet that forces Reynard into another fit of vomiting, before transforming back into a fox, and running away. Despite this, Alder still felt the date could be saved, and would certainly have entertained another. Later, Bo Peep assures her that the fox will come back some day soon, as soon as he stops being so embarrassed.
Some days later, Alder is visited by Geppetto, who reminds her that her friendship with Reynard is strained because of her. Her brother agrees that it is best not to try to turn friends into lovers, but Geppetto grumps that the real moral is not to waste affection on lower animals. Instead, he suggests that Alder let him grow her a husband.
Appearing in "Aldered States"
Featured Characters:
- Princess Alder
Supporting Characters:
- Reynard the Fox
- Bo Peep
Villains:
Other Characters:
- Mr. Pickles
- Terry Veck
Locations:
Items:
Vehicles:
See Also