Omigod! I'm wrong. you don't wanna boink me. It's worse-- you think I need "saving." 
Zero Girl #1 is an issue of the series Zero Girl (Volume 1) with a cover date of February, 2001.
Synopsis for "Zero Girl: Part 1"
Amy Smootster is a fifteen year old girl in high school who has already reconciled herself with the fact that the other students will think of her as a freak. In addition to being something of a loner, Amy dresses in an alternative style, has been seen speaking to insects, has an obsession with shapes, and when she experiences shame, a strange liquid comes from her feet. This last thing has led to a group of girl bullies calling her "puddle girl."
That same group of girls has a collective crush on the young guidance counsellor Tim Foster, a young man in his 20s who blushes and brushes off their advances casually. Noticing Amy through his office's window, he asks them about her. They begin to tell him all of the rumours they know about her. Good at his job, he refuses to take the girls' negativity at face value, and resolves to see what might be troubling Amy such that she has no friends and dresses differently.
The next morning, as Mr. Foster arrives at his office, he hears a loud snore coming from underneath a nearby bench. When he investigates, he discovers that Amy has spent the night sleeping there. He chooses not to wake her, but wonders about what mysterious secret she must be running from - other than the fact that she snores like a moose.
Later, Mr. Foster arranges with Amy's homeroom teacher to have her come meet him. Amy admits that she is likely crazy. She explains that the way she sees shapes is as if they were alive. Circular shapes are positive and helpful, but square shapes are dangerous. Mr. Foster offers a metaphorical explanation that circles are representative of such things as eggs, seeds, feminine godhead, and the womb. Amy seems intrigued by his attitude. She wonders if Mr. Foster plans to have sex with her, because the girls have rumoured that he sleeps with every girl who goes into his office. Mr. Foster tries to stick to the subject, and hopes to delve more into Amy's real concerns about the shape issue. Amy realizes that Mr. Foster's motives are actually to save her, and not "boink" her, and feigns disgust. Giving up for now, Mr. Foster simply asks to speak with Amy's aunt at some point.
Outside the office, the bullies catch her and tell her to stay away from Mr. Foster. They taunt her, and one of the girls slaps her. They try to goad her into fighting them, but the fight is interrupted by the school nurse, who warns that fighting those girls could wind Amy up with a lawsuit on her hands. Amy tries to satisfy the nurses concerns, and then marches off, leaving trails of yellow goo behind every footstep.
Afterwards, Amy spends some time with a sow bug whom she refers to as Uncle Carl. She tells the bug about Mr. Foster, who she believes is humouring her due to a "thing for troubled teens." Even so, she thinks he may have possibilities.
Worried that Mr. Foster will call her aunt, Amy peeks into his window, hoping to catch him. Unfortunately, the bullies find her there, and are even more vicious given that they warned her once already. They drag her off to the girls' washroom and into one of the stalls. Amy begs to be let go as they bring her face closer to the toilet bowl, noting that somebody forgot to flush it. The leader threatens that if Amy doesn't stay away from Mr. Foster, she'll slit her throat. Amy utters Mr. Foster's first name in an attempt to defend him, but that only angers the girls further.
As the leader prepares to cut her with a knife, Amy senses that something is about to happen. A storage cupboard opens suddenly, and the toilet rolls come to life, attacking the bullies. They grow mouths, and become monsters, chasing the girls from the room, but leaving Amy unharmed. Amy is reassured that circular objects are out to protect her.
Amy returns to Mr. Foster's office and finds him outside. He reveals that he found out that Amy's aunt has been dead for several months, and her apartment boarded up. Amy changes the subject, describing what happened with the toilet rolls and the bullies, but Mr. Foster seems doubtful. Suddenly, someone above them tries to dump a wheelbarrow full of bricks onto their heads. Amy shoves Mr. Foster aside, and holds a piece of newspaper she'd cut into a circle over their heads. Miraculously, the piece of paper stops the bricks, and they all fall aside. Mr. Foster is convinced, finally, that the strangeness about shapes is a real thing, and not a delusion. Reluctantly, Mr. Foster offers his office up as a place for Amy to sleep, and they walk away together. Amy leaves behind a puddle of her strange excretion.
The bullies appear at the scene, chastising the girl on the roof for nearly hitting Mr. Foster with the bricks meant for Amy. They discover that the goo coming from Amy's feet protects her somehow. It repels a stone one of them tries to drop onto it. The leader vows that she will make Amy pay, now that she knows the secret of the goo.
Appearing in "Zero Girl: Part 1"
Featured Characters:
Supporting Characters:
- Nance Wilson
- Tim Foster
Antagonists:
- Bullies
- Michelle
- Carrie
Other Characters:
- Uncle Carl
Locations:
- Brownsville High School
Items:
Vehicles:
Notes
- Zero Girl is a five-issue limited series published by Homage Comics, an imprint of WildStorm Productions.
- This issue is reprinted in the Zero Girl trade paperback.