- How's my babies? Anyone squeeze out some more ammo for mama?
- -- Harley Quinn
Appearing in "Pies in the Skies"
- Deadly Darleen (Mentioned only)
- Ivana Brekemoff (Mentioned only)
- The Joker (Hallucination)
- Kill Jill (Mentioned only)
- Maria Massacre
- Nathan the Dachshund
- Police Officer (Dies)
- Zatanna (Mentioned only)
- Zebra Man (Mentioned only)
- "J" Train (Mentioned only)
Synopsis for "Pies in the Skies"
Harley Quinn and her pal Big Tony visit Sal's pawn shop in the hopes of making payday on a set of rings she stole from Ivana Brekemoff's estate when she and Sy Borg attacked her. Unfortunately, given the fact that they're hot goods, Sal can only offer them $110,000 dollars, when they're worth $250,000. Harley tries haggling, but she's cut short by a pair of robbers who break into the shop. Annoyed, Harley bargains her way up to $140,000 and a samurai sword in exchange for taking out the thugs.
After killing one, she warns that she will kill the other unless he sways her with his life story. He tells a sob story that brings Harley to tears, but Tony - who pilfered his wallet - reveals that the story is a lie. The man is no more than the son of a rich real estate broker. He is a con man, a murderer, and a thief. Angrily, Harley demands the samurai sword and gets to work.
Afterwards, she and Tony go for some lunch and Tony warns that he'll need twenty thousand of their take from the pawn shop to finish working on the contraption she contracted him to build on her roof. The cost is for the electronic guidance system - which will see the thing completed tomorrow if he can get his hands on it today. Harley is happy to pay him, offering to pay more so they can get some blankets and snacks to hold a picnic when the device is revealed. She'd get the food herself, but she's got a roller derby bout later - and while she doesn't need the money, she does like body-checking people.
That night, Harley learns with some upset that Brooklyn Bruisers have gone to print with her derby moniker as "Killer Kwinn" - she would have preferred "Quinnzilla." Of course, she has been so busy lately that the other girls had no choice but to make up their own name for her. During the game, Harley knocks the opposing team off their skates, prompting them to release Bertha Bensonhurts to get some revenge. The massive woman soon fights her way past Harley's team mates, and punches Harley's lights out. As her friends drag her to safety, they worry at how Bertha was let back onto the rink, given that she's supposed to have been in jail. After regaining consciousness, Harley realizes that one of her teeth got knocked out - her favourite tooth. The others try to dissuade her, but soon, Harley is wielding her mallet overhead. Summer warns Harley not to go back out on the rink, or she'll be off the team. Angrily, Harley suggests Summer find someone to replace her, because she's going after Bertha regardless.
Soon, Harley is playing croquet with Bertha's head, and the audience runs out in disgust. Unhappily, the Brooklyn Bruisers realize that they will get penalized for this. Summer drags Harley away from Bertha, reluctantly admitting that she can't let Harley stay on the team now. Warning Harley not to tell anyone, Summer offers her the card for something called Skate Club that might be a better fit. In fact, Summer is breaking the first rule of Skate Club by telling her.
The next day, Harley steps out onto the roof of her building to unveil her contraption. She admits that she has considered their complaints about the significant amount of waste created by her numerous pets, and she has a solution. She has designed a disposal system for all that poop, which she has lovingly titled the scatapult - essentially, a catapult to fling her sacks of poop away. With it, she can turn her poop problem into someone else's problem.
For the inaugural poop-fling, Tony aims it at Fresh Kills in Staten Island. Unfortunately, the bag misses and ends up hitting the Brooklyn Bridge. In the hopes of avoiding another miss, Harley offers that they should fling the next one to the Atlantic. Unfortunately, the bag only makes it as far as the Coney Island amusement park, and splats all over a roller-coaster ride. Tony makes a few more corrections, and upon being tasked with hitting the moving J Train, he succeeds admirably. Happily, Harley suggests a bigger target, piling the poop high.
Somewhere in Manhattan, Dan DiDio announces the relaunch of the entire company's line of comics. This plan would see the heroes of the DC Universe transformed by magic into Antelopes and Wildebeests. It would be dubbed the Gnu 52. Before anyone can respond to his pitch, several sacks of dung explode against the window.
Having run out of scat to pult, so to speak, Harley hurries down to her pets' floor in the hopes that someone left her som ammo to shovel up. However, she is surprised to see a thug threatening one of her pets wit ha knife. He warns that she must let him kill her quietly, or he'll gut the animal. Annoyed, Harley realizes that this is another assassin hoping to collect the bounty she put on her own head. Fortunately, one of Harley's friends captures him, allowing Harley to slam him over the head with her shovel.
Before long, the would-be-assassin is loaded into the scatapult. Eagerly, she orders the launch, and the man soars through the air, first colliding with a blimp, and ricocheting quite messily into the propeller of a passing biplane. From atop a nearby train, a man who is obsessed with Harley spies through his binoculars and vows that she will never have to scoop another poop when they're together on Staten Island.
- This book was first published on July 30, 2014.
- Sal, the pawn shop owner, offers Harley his favorite samurai sword--a Hanzo. This is a reference to Kill Bill: Volume 2, in which the character Budd claims that he pawned a katana crafted by master swordsmith Hattori Hanzō.
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