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"That Stupid Bastich": Lobo shows up at Noonan's Bar. He begins drinking while Sean Noonan tries to ignore his crass behaviour while speaking with Hitman. It seems Deborah Tiegel has d

Quote1 Excuse me, Miss Lobo? Quote2
Tommy Monaghan

Hitman/Lobo: That Stupid Bastich #1 is a one-shot with a cover date of September, 2000.

Synopsis for "That Stupid Bastich"

Lobo shows up at Noonan's Bar. He begins drinking while Sean Noonan tries to ignore his crass behaviour while speaking with Hitman. It seems Deborah Tiegel has dumped Tommy over his job, yet again.

While Lobo is distracted by his intimidation and bullying of the crowd, both Sean and Tommy blow their noses in Lobo's beer.

Bored, Tommy reads Lobo's mind and finds out who he is. Tommy sees him as a bully, a type not well regarded by Tommy.

Also bored, Lobo sees Sixpack dressed in his superhero costume and starts making fun of him. Tommy decides to put an end to the bullying. Tommy pours a beer over his head and pokes Lobo in the shoulder, calling him a woman. Lobo turns around and Tommy shoots Lobo in both eyes, running out of the bar while Lobo is blinded. Lobo races after Tommy, tracking him by smell.

As Tommy runs, Salad Mike spots him and calls Paulie Batt. Tommy jumps over the hood of a police car and the police give chase. By now, Lobo's eyes have grown back and he demolishes the police car as he chases Tommy.

Johnny Batt is on a rooftop with a sniper rifle, waiting for Tommy to appear. When Tommy does show up he is running, with Lobo right behind him. Johnny misses Tommy and instead, shoots Lobo in the head. A group of professional killers hired by Paulie Batt begin shooting at Tommy. Lobo kills half the killers, not wanting anyone but himself to kill Tommy.

Tommy makes a run for it and kills the other half of Batt's killers. Tommy recognizes the guys who tried to kill him and runs for Paulie's, with Lobo right behind him. Lobo arrives just in time to get shot by Paulie's goons and he goes wild, killing everyone. During the carnage, Tommy calls Sixpack at Noonan's Bar and asks him to put the team together. Finished killing everyone else, Lobo sees Tommy and the chase begins again.

Tommy runs to a construction site where Sixpack has mixed water and detergent in a cement mixer. Tommy dives into it to wash the alcohol smell off him to throw off Lobo's scent. Lobo loses the scent and Tommy and Section 8 hide in the construction site. Lobo turns up at the construction site and Shakes runs past him.

Bewildered, Lobo is not prepared when Jean de Baton attacks and breaks his baton over Lobo's head. Then Defenestrator smashes a window over Lobo's head and Flemgem spits phleghm into Lobo's face, getting some in Lobo's mouth, much to his disgust. Friendly Fire takes a shot at Lobo and hits Jean de Baton.

In the meantime, Tommy has begun controlling a wrecking ball. Atop the wrecking ball is perched Sixpack. Tommy swings the wrecking ball at Lobo, smashing him against a girder. Tommy sends the wrecking ball at Lobo again, crushing him against the ground. While Sixpack believes this ne'er-do-well is defeated (a one ton steel gonad dropped on your head will usually do that) Tommy, knowing of the Czarnian's phenomenal regeneration, knows the time is short for the next part of the "prank".

Bueno Excellente appears in a wedding dress as we see Sixpack videotaping. Dogwelder is seen sparking his welder and holding a dog's carcass.

Lobo soon recovers, complaining about the spit in his mouth, the apparent suicidal wishes of Gothamites and about a dog welded to his buttcheek. He vows vengeance on whoever did this at which point, Tommy freely confesses with a huge smile on his face that it was him.

Lobo advances on Tommy, hook out to eviserate him when Tommy calmly asks Sean to hit play on the tape. Details are not seen but Lobo has a continuously horrified expression and demands to know what is going on, to which Tommy replies, "getting married".

Lobo advances on Tommy, threatening him with all the violence Lobo is capable of but Tommy explains that they made copies and, if anything happened to them, the tapes would be released to the Justice League

Lobo has not choice but to leave in peace.

Lobo flies off, none too happy, realizing too late that Sixpack pissed in his Spacehog's gas tank while he was unconscious.

Appearing in "That Stupid Bastich"

Featured Characters:

Supporting Characters:

Antagonists:

  • Lobo
  • Paulie Batt (Single appearance; dies)
  • Johnny Batt (Single appearance; dies)

Other Characters:

  • Salad Mike (Single appearance)

Locations:

Items:


Vehicles:



Notes



See Also


Links and References

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