- Darkseid has to become the one true god, you see -- And the only way is for him to unlock the secrets of the old gods -- Secrets that lie locked away in Heaven!
Appearing in "The Brave and the Bald"
- Steroid Bikers
- Skurfer (Unnamed)
- Beach Bunnies (Unnamed)
- Hitchhiker (Unnamed)
- Beach Solicitor (Unnamed)
- Frisbee Owner (Unnamed)
- Rama Kushna (Mentioned only)
- Bunsen (Mentioned only)
- Etrigan the Demon (Mentioned only)
- Darkseid's Palace
- Darkseid's Chambers
- Kroolman's Laboratory
- Darkseid's Palace
- Alpha Centauri (Mentioned only)
- Heaven (Mentioned only)
- Mother Box
- Czarnian Execution Machine © The Main Man
- Lobo's whistle
- Anti-Life (Mentioned only)
Synopsis for "The Brave and the Bald"
In California's Bizmo Beach, Deadman is taking a vacation on his psychiatrist's advice. Here he possesses a skurfer dude jumping from a plane to experience life to its fullest. The host body he chose also garners the attention of several bikini-clad ladies. After making an explosive entry onto Earth, Lobo uses a device to scan the beach for his target, but not without a few unfortunate locals getting in his way.
When the Steroid Bikers, a beach gang of muscle-bound thugs, sees the handsome skurfer being fawned over by a bevy of buxom beach bunnies, they decide to pick a fight. Deadman, concerned for the wellbeing his gracious host's physical form, tries to diffuse the situation. Seeing the gang has no intention of letting him leave, Deadman throws caution to the wind and insults their manhood. When he is restrained in the ensuing rumble, Deadman leaves the skurfer and possesses the gang leader, Lemmy. Punching his fellow gang members instead of the skurfer, "Lemmy" changes the course of the dispute, as Deadman jumps from one brawling member to the next. Just as the skurfer manages to crawl out of the turmoil, he comes face to face with an ornery Lobo, whose almost accurate spook-detector gives him the impression his payday is still inside. Feeling guilty for his skurfing friend, Deadman quickly takes over Lemmy's body again and leads his gang against the new foe. Lobo brutally defends himself, tearing off limbs and slashing with his hook. Not wishing death on anyone, Deadman's last option is to try and possess the mad alien. Lobo puts up a strong resistance, but slowly Deadman is able gain control. Deadman's curious as to who would place a bounty warrant on him, and if the spook-collecting gun would have actually worked. He scans Lobo's thoughts for answers, only to find the employer is unknown, but a rendezvous point has been arranged. Commandeering Lobo's Spazzfrag, Deadman leaves Earth, following the directions to an empty void of space. He waits patiently, and just as the deadline is up, vanishes with a mighty, "BOOM!"
The boom tube teleports Deadman and Lobo straight to Apokolips, where Doctor Kroolman assures his ruler, Darkseid, that the secrets of Anti-Life would soon be revealed. Within only moments of exiting the boom tube, Deadman is swarmed by parademons. Caught up by Lobo's innate bloodlust, they tear through the hoards and crash land on the surface of Apokolips. Intending to shoot a parademon, Deadman inadvertently uses the spook-collector, exorcising himself from Lobo and becomes trapped. Completely disoriented, Lobo takes his confused rage out on the few remaining minions before Kroolman arrives to introduce himself. With Deadman in hand, Kroolman explains to Lobo it was he who hired him, and that he secreted a mother box inside the custom weapon which transported him to Apokolips.
Paying him the reward money, Kroolman then offers Lobo another job, double the money and off the books. Lobo jumps at the chance for an extra two million and the chance to stick it to Bunsen, accepting the gig immediately. When he asks who he has to kill, Kroolman replies, "You, Lobo. I want you to kill yourself." Lobo tries to refuse, but Kroolman holds him to his word of honour. He had, after all, already agreed to take the assignment. Lobo begrudgingly agrees, but requests a last meal and an explanation. Kroolman divulges his plan to Lobo as he eats. He needs the souls of two individuals who have already been to Heaven. Subconsciously, they would know how to return from the afterlife, so through interrogation of their spiritual selves, Kroolman believes he can pinpoint the location of Heaven.
As Czarnians are notoriously hard to kill, Lobo creates an execution device to make sure the job was done properly. It simultaneously electrocutes him with five hundred thousand volts, doses him with poison gas, impales his brain with a spike, and repeatedly assaults the back of his head with a hydraulic hammer. Utilising advanced technology, Kroolman is able to view Deadman's spirit, which he frees from confinement. The angry ghost tries to invade Kroolman's body, but the Dark God's psionic defences are too powerful. Deadman gives up his futile attempt just as Lobo's phantom joins them. Deadman angrily confronts the new apparition, and blames him for their predicament. Lobo is flippant about the situation, thinking he can return to his body at anytime. Kroolman however, is able to restrain the intangible duo with his psionic engineering. While the machine slowly and painfully disassembles their souls for data collection, Kroolman orders a parademon to check Lobo's possessions for explosives before incinerating the corpse. Stripping the cadaver, the parademon comes across a whistle. Out of curiosity he blows it, unwittingly summoning the Spazzfrag which careens violently into the laboratory, damaging some of the equipment. It disrupts the machine just enough for Deadman to break free, but without any way for him to stop Kroolman. Lobo instructs him to control his hog, as its master-circuitry is (illegally) comprised of organic matter. With a full arsenal at his disposal, Deadman lays waste to the lab, freeing Lobo's wraith, which made a beeline for his body. With his soul restored, Lobo clears a path to his beloved vehicle and then launches themselves away from the chaos, only to go crashing through the wall of Darkseid's chambers.
The brooding dictator and the two fugitives are intercepted by an apologetic Kroolman. Darkseid pays no heed to his mitigation, and sends him away to commit suicide immediately for his failure. Assuming they are no longer needed, Lobo uses the mother box he was given to send Deadman back to earth. After all the excitement, his vacation lost its appeal and he once again slips into melancholy. Darkseid meanwhile, is not going to leave prized New God technology in the hands of a deviant, and requests the mother box back. Lobo all too willingly obliges before he is teleported out of Darkseid's sight. Little does he know that Lobo had programmed the mother box to make 43 leaps. Darkseid is randomly teleported across the universe due to th' Main Man's parting prank.
- No special notes.
- There is a tabloid magazine called, Crappola.
- The bounty on Deadman is 1,000,000 credits.
- Doctor Kroolman holds a book titled, Big Book of Magic. (Hologram trading cards inside.)
- The Czarnian Execution Machine © The Main Main, simultaneously employs five hundred thousand volts of electricity with poison gas, a spike to pierce the brain, and a hydraulic hammer to the the back of the head.
- Lobo's Spacehog has illegal organic master-circuitry.
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Links and References
- No external links.