- Darkseid has to become the one true god, you see -- And the only way is for him to unlock the secrets of the old gods -- Secrets that lie locked away in Heaven!
Appearing in "The Brave and the Bald"
- Steroid Bikers
- Skurfer (unnamed)
- Beach Bunnies (unnamed)
- Hitchhiker (unnamed)
- Beach Solicitor (unnamed)
- Frisbee Owner (unnamed)
- Rama Kushna (Mentioned only)
- Bunsen (Mentioned only)
- Etrigan the Demon (Mentioned only)
- Darkseid's Palace
- Darkseid's Chambers
- Kroolman's Laboratory
- Darkseid's Palace
- Alpha Centauri (Mentioned only)
- Heaven (Mentioned only)
- Mother Box
- Czarnian Execution Machine © The Main Man
- Lobo's whistle
- Anti-Life (Mentioned only)
Synopsis for "The Brave and the Bald"
In California's Bizmo Beach, Deadman was taking a vacation on his psychiatrist's advice. Here he possessed a skurfer dude jumping from a plane to experience life to its fullest. The host body he chose also garnered the attention of several bikini-clad ladies. After making an explosive entry onto Earth, Lobo used a device to scan the beach for his target, but not without a few unfortunate locals getting in his way.
When the Steroid Bikers, a beach gang of muscle-bound thugs, saw the handsome skurfer being fawned over by a bevy of buxom beach bunnies, they decided to pick a fight. Deadman, concerned for the wellbeing his gracious host's physical form, tried to diffuse the situation. Seeing the gang had no intention of letting him leave, Deadman threw caution to the wind and insulted their manhood. When he was restrained in the ensuing rumble, Deadman left the skurfer and possessed the gang leader, Lemmy instead. Punching his fellow gang members instead of the skurfer, "Lemmy" changes the course of the dispute, as Deadman jumped from one member to the next. Just as the skurfer managed to crawl out of the turmoil, he came face to face with an ornery Lobo, whose almost accurate spook-detector gave him the impression his payday was still inside. Feeling guilty for his skurfing friend, Deadman quickly took over Lemmy's body again and led his gang against the new foe. Lobo brutally defended himself, tearing off limbs and slashing with his hook. Not wishing death on anyone, Deadman's last option was to try and possess the mad alien. Lobo put up a strong resistance, but slowly Deadman was able gain control. Deadman was curious as to who would place a bounty warrant on him, and if the spook-collecting gun would have actually worked. He scanned Lobo's thoughts for answers, only to find the employer was unknown, but a rendezvous had been arranged. Commandeering Lobo's Spazzfrag, Deadman left Earth, following the directions to an empty void of space. He waited patiently, and just before the deadline was up, vanished with a mighty, "BOOM!"
The boom tube teleported Deadman and Lobo straight to Apokolips, where Doctor Kroolman assured his ruler, Darkseid, that the secrets of Anti-Life would soon be revealed. Within only moments of exiting the boom tube, Deadman was swarmed by parademons. Caught up by Lobo's innate bloodlust, they tore through the hoards and crash landed on the surface of Apokolips. Intending to shoot a parademon, Deadman inadvertently used the spook-collector, exorcising himself from Lobo and became trapped. Completely disoriented, Lobo took his confused rage out on the few remaining minions before Kroolman arrived to introduce himself. With Deadman in hand, Kroolman explained to Lobo it was he who hired him, and that he secreted a mother box inside the custom weapon which transported him to Apokolips.
Paying him the reward money, Kroolman then offered Lobo another job, double the money and off the books. Lobo jumped at the chance for an extra two million and the chance to stick it to Bunsen, accepting the gig immediately. When he asked who he had to kill, Kroolman replied, You, Lobo. I want you to kill yourself." Lobo tried to refuse, but Kroolman held him to his word of honour. He had, after all, already agreed to take the assignment. Lobo begrudgingly agreed, but requested a last meal and an explanation. Kroolman divulged his plan to Lobo as he ate. He needed the souls of two individuals who had already been to Heaven. Subconsciously, they would know how to return from the afterlife, so through interrogation of their spiritual selves, Kroolman believed he could pinpoint the location of Heaven.
As Czarnians are notoriously hard to kill, Lobo created an execution device to make sure the job was done properly. It simultaneously electrocuted him with five hundred thousand volts, dosed him with poison gas, impaled his brain with a spike, and repeatedly assaulted the back of his head with a hydraulic hammer. Utilising advanced technology, Kroolman is able to view Deadman's spirit, which he freed from confinement. The angry ghost tried to invade Kroolman's body, but the Dark God's psionic defences were too powerful. Deadman gave up his futile attempt just as Lobo's phantom joined them. Deadman angrily confronted the new apparition, a blamed him for their predicament. Lobo was flippant about the situation, thinking he could return to his body at anytime. Kroolman however, was able to restrain the intangible duo with his psionic engineering. While the machine slowly and painfully disassembled their souls for data collection, Kroolman ordered a parademon to check Lobo's possessions for explosives before incinerating the corpse. Stripping the cadaver, the parademon comes across a whistle. Out of curiosity he blew it, unwittingly summoning the Spazzfrag which careened violently into the laboratory, damaging some of the equipment. It disrupted the machine just enough for Deadman to break free, but without any way for him to stop Kroolman. Lobo instructed him to control his hog, as its master-circuitry was comprised of organic matter. With a full arsenal at his disposal, Deadman laid waste to the lab, freeing Lobo's wraith, which made a beeline for his body. With his soul restored, Lobo cleared a path to his beloved vehicle and then launched themselves away from the chaos, only to go crashing through the wall of Darkseid's chambers.
The brooding dictator and the two fugitives were intercepted by an apologetic Kroolman. Darkseid paid no heed to his mitigation, and sent him away to commit suicide immediately for his failure. Assuming they were no longer needed, Lobo used the mother box he was given to send Deadman back to earth. After all the excitement, his vacation lost its appeal and he once again slipped into melancholy. Darkseid meanwhile, was not going to leave prized New God technology in the hands of a deviant, and requested the mother box back. Lobo all too willingly obliged before he was teleported out of Darkseid's sight. Little did he know that Lobo had programmed the mother box to make 43 leaps. Darkseid was randomly teleported across the universe due to th' Main Man's parting prank.
- No special notes.
- There is a tabloid magazine called, Crappola.
- The bounty on Deadman is 1,000,000 credits.
- Doctor Kroolman holds a book titled, Big Book of Magic. (Hologram trading cards inside.)
- The Czarnian Execution Machine © The Main Main, simultaneously employs five hundred thousand volts of electricity with poison gas, a spike to pierce the brain, and a hydraulic hammer to the the back of the head.
- Lobo's Spacehog has illegal organic master-circuitry.
- Forever People (Volume 1)
- Forever People (Volume 2)
- Mister Miracle (Volume 1)
- Mister Miracle (Volume 2)
- Mister Miracle (Volume 3)
- New Gods (Volume 1)
- New Gods (Volume 2)
- New Gods (Volume 3)
- New Gods (Volume 4)
- Orion (Volume 1)
- Jack Kirby's Fourth World (Volume 1)
- Death of the New Gods
- Jack Kirby's Fourth World Omnibus
Links and References
- No external links.