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"All Things Must Pass (well, almost)": Lobo, along with Dave, Stan, and a large vanguard of hell's forces begin the assault on the unarmed (as per one of Gawd's rules) forces of Heaven. Hell's forces take minor losses but Lobo comments that the assault is a mere "friggin' milk-run" and challenge
- Kill! Rend! Destroy! Slaughter! Disembowel! An when ya've done that, frag the bastards!
- -- Lobo
Appearing in "All Things Must Pass (well, almost)"
- Demons of Hell
- Abbot Costello
- Sin Police Angels
- The Four Johnnies of the Apocalypse
- Johnny Rotten
- Texas Johnny Slaughter
- Cool Johny Cruel
- Johnny Weissmuller
- Ye Olde Book of Dave
- Holy of Holies
Synopsis for "All Things Must Pass (well, almost)"
Lobo, along with Dave, Stan, and a large vanguard of hell's forces begin the assault on the unarmed (as per one of Gawd's rules) forces of Heaven. Hell's forces take minor losses but Lobo comments that the assault is a mere "friggin' milk-run" and challenges Gawd outright. This enrages Gawd as he beckons Lobo to find him, and he begins to rain down bolts of fire onto the army of Hell. As Lobo, Dave, and Stan take cover, Dave's attention is no longer on Gawd but on the recently awoken Four Johnnies of the Apocalypse.
Meanwhile, on Paradize, the alcohol, magazines, and cigarettes that Dave's monks have distributed amongst the populace have inflamed riots in the streets and an uprising against the sin police, who are summarily killed by the mob. The mob gathers at the Cathedral, led by Abbott Costello, who makes a speech encouraging the crowd to cast off the shackles of Gawd in favor of freedom of choice of smoking, drinking, sex, and industrialization. The mob hurls copies of Gawd's Book of Rules at the doorway, and then sets the Cathedral ablaze.
Back in Heaven, the Four Johnnies of the Apocalypse enter the fray and begin making short work of the demons of Hell: Johnny Rotten, a zombie who wields a sword that can age it's victims and turn them to dust; Texas Johnny Slaughter, a gunslinger; Cool Johny Cruel, who wields a nail-gun and prefers to kill his victims slowly; and Johnny Weissmuller, a club-wielding savage. Lobo is surprised by Johnny Weissmuller but quickly rebounds and kills him with his hook. The other three Johnnies ride up on their motorbikes to begin their assault on Lobo and Dave, during which time Dave says that he is going to look for the Secret Name of Gawd hidden within Gawd's sanctum and leaves. Lobo surprises the horsemen with a grenade volley, and kills Johnny Rotten with his own blade. However the final two Johnnies recover from the initial assault and ambush Lobo from behind, stunning him.
In Gawd's sanctum, Dave and Stan locate the Secret Name of God, which is called the Holy of Holies by Gawd. Lobo is nailed to a door by Texas Johnny Slaughter and Cool Johny Cruel who begin to shoot him. However, after discovering the true name of Gawd, Dave communicates this information to Abbot Costello through a crystal ball. The Johnnies are joined by Gawd, who is just about to deliver the coup de grace to Lobo. However, the massive mob gathered in from the Cathedral begins to chant Gawd's Secret Name - Cecil Geekywad Bumwimple. This distracts Gawd from shooting Lobo, however, the embarrassment of hearing his true name being spoken causes the entire planet of Pardize to explode. During the distraction, Lobo frees himself and kills the two remaining Johnnies with their own guns.
Lobo confronts Gawd and finally gets fed up with Stan reciting the Book of Dave. Lobo discovers that there was no prophecy and Dave was just getting Stan to write down events in the book. Stan reveals that the Book of Dave was just a part of Cecil's and Dave's game, which causes Lobo to realize that he's been duped into playing a game and consequently slam the book over Stan's head, killing him. Dave and Cecil are shown to shake hands as sportsmen and Cecil congratulates his brother before agreeing to make a new world after supper. Lobo however, infuriated that he was duped into playing their game, kills and mutilates both Dave and Cecil before mounting their heads on stakes in the ruined debris field where Paradize once orbited.
- No special notes.
Johnny Weissmuller, depicted as a club wielding savage with a trademark howl, is the name of the actor who played Tarzan in the films of the 1930's and 1940's.
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Links and References
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