"Lobo: In the Chair": Tired and belligerent, Lobo emerges from the scorching desert after a month, hauling a wagon piled high with rotting corpses. Craving booze and smokes, he makes his way into Bounty Town and delivers his spoils to the Sheriff, shoving a pile of warrants
- Don't go bleedin' ta death on me yet, guys -- I still owe yez a little haute coiffure!
- -- Lobo
Appearing in "Lobo: In the Chair"
- Johnny Winter (Only appearance; dies)
- Ed Winter (Only appearance; dies)
- The Kane Gang (Appears only as a corpse)
- The Allman Brothers (Appears only as a corpse)
- The Dogg Family (Appears only as a corpse)
- Soul Sisters (Appears only as a corpse)
- Bad Mama Cass (Appears only as a corpse)
- The Kingston Trio (Appears only as a corpse)
- The Ozmund Bothers (Appears only as a corpse)
- The Five Jaxonz (Appears only as a corpse)
- Sheriff (Only appearance; unnamed)
- Barbershop Quartet (Only appearance; all unnamed)
- Sensitive Patron (Only appearance; unnamed)
- Bounty Town
- Sharps Barber
- The Iron Bar
- White Trash Magazine
- Short and Snappy Tales of Death
Synopsis for "Lobo: In the Chair"
Tired and belligerent, Lobo emerges from the scorching desert after a month, hauling a wagon piled high with rotting corpses. Craving booze and smokes, he makes his way into Bounty Town and delivers his spoils to the Sheriff, shoving a pile of warrants in the lawman's arms. 'Bo proclaims he's caught every outlaw within thousands of miles, with the exception of the Winter brothers, and calculates he's owed eight hundred and one thousand, two hundred and nineteen credits before yawning tremendously. Exhausted, he informs the Sheriff he'll be freshening up at the barber's while his reward is organised so he can then get blind drunk. An elderly woman crossing the street is unfortunate enough to be in Lobo's path as he makes a beeline for the barbershop, trampling the frail woman underfoot.
Inside Sharps, a barbershop quartet harmonises as they work on four patrons. Lobo punches his way through the saloon doors and looks at the fifteen minute wait sign. He takes a seat with White Trash magazine and yawns broadly. Eager to start drinking, 'Bo impatiently demands what the hold up is. A patron in curlers politely asks him to refrain from shouting as he has sensitive ears. Lobo takes it upon himself to "desensitise" them for him. He stretches the dweeb's ears out before lubricating them with gel, finishing with a point-blank blast from the hair dryer. As the Sheriff assists the old woman outside, they're both bowled over by the sensitive patron who's tossed though the wall of the premises.
Taking the freed up seat, Lobo reclines and requests the works, warning that he ate the eyes of the last barber who cut him. Trying to keep his hand from trembling, the barber makes the first swipe, but Lobo's cheek dulls the razor blade. He offers up his own hunting knife to use instead. As the quartet picks up their tune again, Lobo immediately screams for them to cut it out, and that they should only sing when he says so. The barber prepares to shave his other side just as Lobo angrily orders him to start singing. The barber resumes his song, pausing to tentatively ask the unpredictable customer to move his head slightly, only to realise he's fallen into a deep sleep.
Two other patrons obscured by a thick lather of shampoo take an interest in the bounty hunter's repose. Jonny and Ed Winter interrupt their session to test if the infamous bounty hunter really has fallen into their lap sound asleep. Once they are positive it's not a trick, Ed points a gun at Lobo's head to avenge all their friends that he murdered. Johnny stops his simple brother, explaining they can first steal the blood money he earned from killing their comrades. Lobo's effects consist of nothing but an empty cigar box, a used condom, and a book. Concluding that he hasn't be paid yet, the brothers decide to keep him alive until he is, binding the slumbering Czarnian to the chair with electrical wire and plugging him into a power socket.
With Lobo secured, dreaming about being buried under a bevy of naked babes, the Winters wonder what he's grinning for. Wanting to wipe the satisfied smile from his face, they decide to have some fun, and if they can't mutilate his body, they'll take it out on his hair. They laugh themselves into a a frenzy moulding the Main Man's mane into ridiculous coifs. Ed throws a tub of of hair cream in his excitement which strikes their hostage on the back of the head.
Lobo slowly opens his eyes to see himself in an Elvis do reflected back. A brief moment of obliviousness manifests into enraged realisation, a he struggles wildly, ripping the bolted chair from the floor to head-butt the mirror. Terrified, Ed dives for the switch and the high voltage courses through Lobo's restraints. Subdued and smouldering, Lobo recognises the wanted Winter brothers and threatens them with scalping once he gets free. Ed gives him another few doses of shock therapy, divulging that they want his reward money. Lobo changes his tune and tells them he'll happily go over to the Sheriff's office together if they set him loose. Johnny isn't falling for such a lame trick and announces that they'll push him over instead. However, they aren't clever enough to realise the power cord isn't long enough and it pops from of the outlet.
With nothing holding him back, Lobo tears his bonds and dives straight for his captors. The brothers draw their weapons, but 'Bo quickly grabs their wrists and diverts the fire into the air, before forcing them to point their guns at each other. Lobo makes them a deal, the first one to shoot gets to walk away safe. The siblings fire simultaneously. Lobo's sick retribution on the wounded men has only begun, as he scalps Johnny with a pair of scissors and sets Ed on fire. He continues to brutalise them as the torturous screams of his victims emanate from the barbershop.
Outside, the Sheriff hands Lobo his hefty reward as well as an extra forty thousand for the Winter boys. Lobo tells him to keep it, as their deaths were for personal satisfaction. The Sheriff is very appreciative and complements his new hairstyle. Mentioning his hair, still standing on end from all the electrocution, infuriates 'Bo who punches the lawman and takes back the money. He spits in one of the two buckets that hold the pulped remains of Ed and Johnny as he makes his way to the nearest bar.
- Lobo's previous publication appearance was Lobo: A Contract on Gawd #4 and his next is L.E.G.I.O.N. #64.
- No trivia.
Links and References
- No external links.