"Fragituri Te Salutamus!": Johnny Caesar is on a XSTV television advertisement promoting "the fiercest -- the bloodiest -- televisual spectacle of all time" gladitorial challenge on Mondo Carno called The Maim Game. Lobo has received an invite. Driving to Mondo Carno on his spacehog, he is cut o
- Ya can sit on yer prizes, Johnny...I'm just here for the fun!
- -- Lobo
Appearing in "Fragituri Te Salutamus!"
- Killer Kowalski
- Bobo Dan (B.D.) Rickenbacker
- Yancy Queeg (deceased)
- Johnny Caesar
- Kevv (Clerk)
- The Deedes Boys
- Vyle Deeds
- Dirty Deeds
- Krakas the Khund
- The Beast from Sixty Fathoms
- The Satan Brothers
- Larrence Satan
- Ronald Satan
- Ulric Badelfslayer
- The Lost Platoon
- Big Charlie
- Mondo Carno Official Bully
- Mondo Carno
Synopsis for "Fragituri Te Salutamus!"
Johnny Caesar is on a XSTV television advertisement promoting "the fiercest -- the bloodiest -- televisual spectacle of all time" gladitorial challenge on Mondo Carno called The Maim Game. Lobo has received an invite. Driving to Mondo Carno on his spacehog, he is cut off by a bus called Big Time City Tours containing a number of other invitees, including B.D. Rickenbacker ,Killer Kowalski, and the decapitated head of Yancy Queeg in a bucket. B.D. talks to the head while Killer questions why B.D. even bothers talking to them. Offended at being cut off, Lobo catches up and kills the driver. B.D. is angered but Killer informs him that it is "Mondo Carno, B.D. Anythin' goes!". The three, tickets in hand, head off to the Maim Game facility.
In town, Lobo is challenged to a carnival style fight with a fighter named Big Charlie for any prize in his stall. Lobo easily dispatches him with a hook and chooses a fish as his reward. He ends up in a saloon and puts the fish in a water glass. Waiting in the check-in line are B.D. and Killer. An unnamed team insults Yancy's bucket, with one member saying that if he needs to go to the washroom during the show he'll "know where to dump it". This enrages B.D. who starts a brawl but it is quickly stopped by the clerk who informs both teams that a disqualification will result if there is any more unsanctioned fighting. In the saloon a drunk with a shirt labelled Mondo Carno Official Bully comes up to Lobo and drinks the water glass with the fish in it, but Lobo goes down his throat with his right fist and retrieves the fish.
B.D. and Killer encounter the Satan Brothers, Ronald and Larrence, who they presumed were dead: B.D. says that "You're the ones who murdered my pop -- an' Sparky -- an' the Prof!". One of the brothers grabs B.D's hand and sets it on fire, and B.D. threatens to retaliate but is restrained by Killer. Killer suggests they follow their original plan of recruiting allies to begin the competition so they find a better chance and addresses The Beast from Sixty Fathoms.
Elsewhere, the show floor manager Victor goes into Caesar's dressing room. He informs Caesar that Lobo is a no-show. Victor also smells his wife's perfume in the room and finds his half-naked wife Candy in his trunk. He questions her being there and her state of undress but Caesar ushers him out saying that the show is on in five minutes. After Victor leaves Caesar and Candy embrace, with Candy asking "Do you think he suspects..?"
The show begins on a large stage with all the gladiators present, and the opening ceremonies called The March of The Gladiators begins, hosted by Johnny Caesar. Lobo sees this on the television and is informed he is late by the barkeep, but he is busy in an arm wrestling competition against a man with an enormous right arm. To hasten his exit, he cheats by eye gouging his competitor and slamming his fist onto the spiked pad, then incites an assault on himself in the bar by taking the pot all to himself. The March of the Gladiators continues with Candy showing off the prizes to be won, including an entire planet called Zarotey. Lobo handily dispatches the bar patrons and heads to the television set. His last minute replacement, a "berserker from the fringes of beyond" named Ulric Badelfslayer, is being introduced when Lobo bursts onto the set and pulls him away, taking his place. Caesar praises Lobo's stunning entrance and he wins a video recorder for it. The final teams are introduced and the television broadcast cuts to commercial.
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