"The Lobo Paramilitary Christmas Special": Aurifice and Ferryt Thung, unable to provide a material Christmas, were dreading facing the wrath of their ten kids in the morning. A knock at the door revealed a mysterious book on the doorstep called, The Lobo Xmas Sanction, detailing a story that
- Ya'd better watch out -- ya'd better not cry! Ya'd better not pout, I'm tellin' ya why -- Santa 'Bo is comin' to town!
- -- Lobo
Appearing in "The Lobo Paramilitary Christmas Special"
- Easter Bunny
- Kris "Crusher" Kringle (Apparent Death)
- Aurifice Thung (a harried wife)
- Ferryt Thung (her unemployed husband)
- Kong (a gorilla)
- Rudolph the Mutant Reindeer (Only appearance; dies)
- Space Dolphins (Cameo)
- Lobo's Penguin Followers (First appearance)
- Santa's Elves
- Byron (Only appearance; dies)
- Cecil (Only appearance; dies)
- Hooter (Only appearance; dies)
- Roger (Only appearance; dies)
- The Thung Home
- Bar (unnamed)
- North Pole
- The Lobo Xmas Sanction Book
- Sears 'n' Roebuck 15 Microton Boomer
- Elf-o-matic Cloning Unit
- Santa's Data-Banks
Synopsis for "The Lobo Paramilitary Christmas Special"
Aurifice and Ferryt Thung, unable to provide a material Christmas, were dreading facing the wrath of their ten kids in the morning. A knock at the door revealed a mysterious book on the doorstep called, The Lobo Xmas Sanction, detailing a story that would adequately scare any demanding children straight during the Christmas season.
The following is the story revealed in the book
"Once upon a time. There was this really cool dude."Lobo and Dawg arrived at a drinking establishment to meet with a client. The client turned out to be a highly inebriated Easter Bunny who wanted to put a contract hit out on Santa Claus for his perpetual upstaging of lesser holiday icons. Lobo joyously agreed to take the job and took off for the North Pole.
He burst into Santa's workshop guns blazing and begins massacring the elves. Some of the elves attempted to fight back against "the naughtiest one", but they are only armed with pop-guns. After turning the workshop into a bloody tableau, Lobo made his way to the throne room of Kris "Crusher" Kringle. Santa was not the jolly, smiling old man personified in the traditions however. He is actually a merciless taskmaster armed with razor-sharp shivs and accompanied by a gorilla companion named Kong.
Before Lobo executed Santa where he sat, he was coaxed into a fair fight by the bearded bastich. Kringle chose the weapons and led 'Bo into the Elf-o-matic Cloning Unit, claiming there was more room to maneuver. The two brawled fiercely, and the fight was as messy as it was brutal. Ultimately, Lobo won by decapitating Kringle with one of his own shivs. Exploring afterwards, Lobo found Santa's naughty/nice data-bank and viewed the resource as an invaluable tool being squandered. He perceived the "nice" as weak, "Victims in the makin'!" Whereas the "naughty" he saw as potential competition. Manufacturing his own presents, he filled up Santa's sleigh with H-bombs and flew across the world, raining them down upon sleeping towns and villages.
End of story.
Thrilled by such a horrifying tale, the Thung's no longer feared being torn apart in the morning but their own irascible offspring, but upon reading the last page - "This book is only good for one read. Gotcha, sucker!" - Ferryt then solemnly headed upstairs with his shotgun and murdered his sleeping children.
- The cover to this issue contains two disclaimers. The first is located in the top left hand corner and reads, "Seriously suggested for mature readers". The second is on the bottom right hand corner and reads, "WARNING: Contains Bad Taste In The Form Of Ultra-Violence, Icon-Bashing, And "The Finger." More Offensive Than Christmas Usually Is. [sic]
- Lobo's Spacehog is depicted with wheels in this issue.
- The canon of this issue is undetermined, even though Lobo has since made references to his battle with Santa Claus.  The demeanor and apparent demise of Santa Claus is also cause for speculation, as he has never before or since been portrayed in such an unfavorable way. Due to Santa's legendary iconic status, it is reasonable to assume that he survived his apparent beheading in this issue. Of course, the story book The Lobo Xmas Sanction could be just a work of fiction, except that Lobo's penguin followers have made cameo appearances in other titles. Santa specifically led Lobo into the Elf-o-matic Cloning Unit for the fight, it is possible wily old Saint Nick had programed the machine to clone himself in the event of his death.
- The end of the issue includes a rendition of the holiday song "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer". The revised lyrics are:
- Rudolph the Mutant Reindeer
- Was very aptly named
- He had a fraggin' monstrous schnozzle
- Of which he was ashamed
- Then one starry xmas night,
- Lobo came to say --
- "Rudolph lead my sleigh tonight --
- Or I'll blow you away!"
Followed by Rudolph pleading: "No! Never! You're Naughty! Much too naughty!" followed by a gunshot and a loud thud.
- This storyline was adapted into a short film by Scott Leberecht in 2002, with a budget of $2,400, as part of the American Film Institute's director's studies program. Andrew Bryniarski (who also had a role in another DC Comics film, Batman Returns) stars as Lobo, with Tom Gibis as the Easter Bunny and Michael V. Allen as Santa Claus.
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- Images from Lobo Paramilitary Christmas Special Vol 1 1
Links and References
- Lobo article at Wikipedia.org
- Lobo biography page at the Unofficial Guide to the DC Universe
- Lobo chronology index at the Unofficial Guide to the DC Universe
- Lobo (Volume 2) series index at the Grand Comics Database
- Lobo (Volume 2) series index at the Unofficial Guide to the DC Universe