"The Heiress, Part 1: Fat Bastards": Al counts the morning's takings in the till when a shadow is cast over him. The sign from his window advertising "All-u-can-eat!" for five credits is tossed onto the counter, and the customer asks if it's genuine. Al confirms his promotion,
- I'm ta meet her at th' restaurant on Doofer Street. Prob'ly some babe heard o' my prowess, wants t'take me on fer matters other than bounty huntin'!
- -- Lobo
Appearing in "The Heiress, Part 1: Fat Bastards"
- The Fat Bastards
- Wheatloaf (Only appearance; dies)
- Wild Bill Gross (Only appearance; dies)
- Gargantua (Only appearance; dies)
- Kid Blimp (Only appearance; dies)
- Elle "The Body" MakFearson (Only appearance; dies)
- Pete the Porker (Only appearance; dies)
- K.O. Simson aka The Juice (Only appearance; dies)
- Ed Simson (Single appearance)
- Al's Bankers (Single appearance)
- I.M.A. Chiseler (First appearance; unnamed)
- Tartan Quarantino (Phone Call Only)
- Al's Diner (Doofer Street Locale; destroyed)
- Ed's Electrix Store
- Slam City (Mentioned only)
- The Juice's Shock Gloves
Synopsis for "The Heiress, Part 1: Fat Bastards"
Al counts the morning's takings in the till when a shadow is cast over him. The sign from his window advertising "All-u-can-eat!" for five credits is tossed onto the counter, and the customer asks if it's genuine. Al confirms his promotion, only to turn and face five intimidating obesities. The leader, Wheatloaf, snatches the cash from Al's hand and orders him to get cooking at gunpoint.
As Darlene tries to recite their lengthy order she recognises them as the outlaw gang, the Fat Bastards. Elle "The Body" MakFearson confirms her suspicions, propelling the petite waitress across the diner with a thrust of her gut. Wild Bill Gross decides to sit in an already occupied booth, crushing the two unfortunate customers beneath his mighty girth.
Al tentatively explains that his bankers are meeting him today to discuss the galaxy-wide expansion of his franchise. He will cook their food. They can keep his money. All he asks is that they don't cause any trouble. Wheatloaf punches him the face, and demands extra portions for Kid Blimp. Darlene defiantly dials for the sheriff, only to have Gargantua announce it won't do her any good, after belching up a tin star.
Elsewhere, Lobo is inside Ed's Electrix Store interrogating the brother of the wanted K.O. Simson, aka The Juice. The bounty hunter threatens his life to draw out his real target, successfully. The Juice dives on top of Lobo, pummelling him with his shock gloves. In the middle of the brawl, Lobo answers a call from his agent, who informs him a woman has hired him as private security. With somewhere to be, Lobo kicks his assailant into a pile of appliances, tossing his chain around Simson's head before shoving the other end into a live electrical socket.
Wheatloaf slaps Darlene's bottom to send her for more food. She insists Al should do something, but he meekly pleads to endure the humiliation just a little longer until they leave.
Lobo makes his way to his new client's meeting place, a restaurant on Doofer Street, knocking over a man by accident. The angry pedestrian claims he's a lawyer, and will sue the thug for everything he's worth. Lobo tells him not to bother getting up, knocking him out with one punch, coincidentally right in front of his rendezvous point.
The Fat Bastards chant for even more, but Al's stock has been completely depleted. All that remains is the banquet he prepared for the bankers. With his lucky streak running out, Al hopelessly wonders what fate has planned for him next, just as Lobo announces himself. Immediately, Lobo recognises the rotund outlaws, as do they acknowledge the infamous bounty hunter. They both draw their weapons in a tense Mexican stand off as Al implores Lobo not to ruin the most important day of his life. Darlene tries to defuse the situation by revealing the banker's feast, suggesting an eating contest instead of guns. Lobo starts shooting, thinking she was just creating a diversion, and the gargantuan gang return fire. Lobo dives behind the counter to rescue Darlene as Al checks the time, mentioning his guests will arrive soon. 'Bo vaults over the counter, filling Kid Blimp full of bullets before knocking down Gargantua, sinking his hook into his skull. Elle tries to charge Lobo from behind but Darlene stealthily trips her up with a frying pan. Using table tops as shields, Wheatloaf and Wild Bill bulldoze Lobo, disarming him. Lobo has a new trick up his sleeve, facing them with his recently acquired shock gloves and grabs a hold of their meaty wrists, frying them where they stand. Wheatloaf crawls towards the open refrigerator when Lobo clobbers him onto his back, stuffing his face with frag grenades. The explosion is overkill, redecorating the diner in Wheatloaf's oleaginous offal.
Darlene gathers Lobo got her message about hiring him, to his incredulity. She updates him on her situation; she needs to collect an inheritance on Slam City which is a dangerous place, hence the need for a bodyguard. She pays him his retainer and tells him it's strictly professional.
Al panics as he spots his bankers approaching. With the diner destroyed and nothing to serve them, Lobo assures Al he'll whip up a solution if he keeps them busy. Tentatively inviting the three sour faced men into his bloodied bistro, Al resorts to offering them Darlene to ogle. Lobo wheels out a dining cart from the kitchen, removing the colossal cloche to reveal a roasted Kid Blimp. The bankers hold their mouths in disgust.
Lobo's eager to get his job with Darlene underway, but as soon as they step out of Al's the last member of the Fat Bastards, Pete the Porker, who was keeping watch outside, dives from the roof in an attempt to smother them. Lobo reacts, instructing Darlene not to move while firing relentlessly into the free falling fatty, cutting two holes through his torso. He lands with a thunderous splat, but his intended victims pass through the gaping gut holes unscathed.
- This is part one of the four-part storyline, The Heiress.
- There are several of supporting strips throughout the issue making crude fat jokes.
- Wheatloaf is a reference to the singer Meat Loaf. He has a tattoo inscribed, "Born to eat," alluding to the Born to Rock tour and wearing a button reading, "Fat out of Hell," a play on Bat Out of Hell and its title track.
- Elle "The Body" MakFearson is a ironic reference to supermodel Elle Macpherson who was nicknamed, "The Body."
- K.O. Simson is a play on O.J. Simpson who was also nicknamed, "The Juice."
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Links and References
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