"Friends: The One with Tusks and a Big Weapon": A vapid yuppie couple watch television together until they are interrupted by a knock at the door. The man answers and Jonas Glim pushes his way in, followed by Lobo, Layla and [
- Kinda changes yer outlook on life, a sweater -- right, 'Bo?
- -- Jonas
Appearing in "Friends: The One with Tusks and a Big Weapon"
- The Glim Gang (Single appearance; all die)
- Jeremiah Glim (Only appearance; dies) (Flashback and main story)
- Evil Tom Petasi (Flashback only; wanted poster)
- Yuppie Couple (Single appearance; all die)
- Beppo (Single appearance)
- Big Buck (Only appearance; dies)
- Mr. Henderson (Single appearance)
- Yuppie Apartment
- Big Buck's Casino
- Manson's World (Flashback only)
- Sand's Bar (Flashback only)
- Krups 101 Infinite Setting Beam Blazer
- Anti-Grav Devices
- Yups Monthly
Synopsis for "Friends: The One with Tusks and a Big Weapon"
A vapid yuppie couple watch television together until they are interrupted by a knock at the door. The man answers and Jonas Glim pushes his way in, followed by Lobo, Layla and Billy the Girl, replying about the ad for roommates. One look at the uncouth group and the man tries to pass off the ad as a hoax, but Jonas presses his Krupps 101 Infinite Setting Beam Blazer to the yuppie's face and informs him they're moving in anyway. Jonas orders the couple to be tied up while he introduces everyone.
Layla confirms the view from the balcony is just right, before everyone jumps when they hear a scuffle from the closet. Training their guns on the door, it opens to reveal the yuppie couples' pet monkey, Beppo. Terrified by all the barrels pointed at it, Beppo nervously does a little tap dance. Jonas smiles and tells everyone the monkey's cool.
The four bounty hunters squash onto the couch and wait patiently for their targets to arrive. Jonas' patients wears thin fast however, and he checks the fridge for some drinks. The yuppies have no beer, just designer water and Tabasco sauce. He asks his comrades which they'd prefer and they turn on the TV. The bimbo on the screen lasts a few seconds until Billy the Girl shoots the set with disgust.
Lobo calls Jonas to check out the action from the balcony. Down on the street, Big Buck is handing out credits to promote the opening of new his casino. Jonas doesn't understand why 'Bo called him, until he points out the half naked promotional babes. Layla notices someone spying on them from the building across the street. The yuppie man mentions that it's only Mr. Henderson who always watches them at night. Billy wants to shoot the peeping Tom straight away, but Jonas advises distracting him instead. Lobo pulls down his pants and moons the pervert. Jonas explains he meant something more subtle and asks the yuppies where their wardrobe is. The four rough and tough mercenaries change into something more inconspicuous.
With no sign of their targets yet, Jonas decides to divulge some background as to why this bounty is important to him.
- Jonas' father, Jeremiah Glim, was an outlaw. His mother fell in love with him, despite being a wanted criminal, and they ran off together. She eventually gave birth to Jonas in the desert on Manson's World, but died as a result.
- From the moment he was born, Jonas was treated harshly by his old man. Jeremiah would beat him three times a day, whether he deserved it or not, and put the boy to work as a chimney sweep before he could walk. Jonas spent his childhood as a beggar, a match boy, and a ditch digger, with all proceeds going to Jeremiah to throw away at the nearest bar.
- On Jonas' eleventh birthday, Jeremiah told the boy he was going to make him a bounty killer to earn his dad the big money. The birthday surprise was cut short when Jeremiah was spotted by the police. Warning the cops not to come any further, Jeremiah held his gun to his own son's head, threatening to shoot the brat if they didn't meet his demands. Jeremiah was ambushed from behinds and dragged off to prison, bequeathing Jonas his weapon, the Krupps 101 Infinite Setting Beam Blazer.
Outside on the street, a large gang of armed bandits storms into Big Buck's Casino, and the bounty hunters prepare themselves. Jonas thanks the couple for letting them stay and stuffs five credits into the guy's mouth for the use of their place. With guns and anti-grav devices in hand they dive off of the balcony.
Inside the Casino, the Glim Gang shoot their way through the crowd indiscriminately. Big Buck himself returns fire defiantly, but is quickly riddled with holes. The raid is clean and swift but before Jeremiah can leave with his men, they are slaughtered from above by a quartet of bloodthirsty bounty hunters raining Hell down upon them. One of the Glim Gang lets loose the bazooka, but the missile misses all of the intended targets and meanders into the apartment of the yuppie couple who are blow to pieces.
Once all the outlaws have been mercilessly massacred, Jonas calls his despicable old man out to a duel. The grisly criminal doesn't hesitate to square off against his only son, and staring coldly into each other's eyes, they draw. Jonas is too fast and Jeremiah is thrown onto his back by the bullet passing through his chest. Jonas cradles his father's head in his arms and the salty codger tells him there's nothing like a good Krupps. He apologises to his son, acknowledging all his faults, and asks Jonas if there is anyway he can make it up to him. Jonas puts a bullet through Jeremiah's head with the very same weapon he gave his son on his eleventh birthday.
Billy and Layla give Jonas a round of applause while Lobo consoles him, explaining that while he may have lost a father, he gained a quarter-share of the rewards money. The four comrades then walk into the casino arm in arm to get blind drunk.
- The Krupps 101 is spelled as "Krups" with one 'p' only in this issue.
- The title is a parody of the TV show Friends and the naming formula for all of their episodes.
- The yuppie's pet monkey is a reference to Marcel but named after Beppo.
- Evil Tom Petasi is a pseudo-spoonerism for assistant editor Mean Pete Tomasi.
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Links and References
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