"P-P-P-Penguin!": From a high vantage point, a leopard-bear watches a procession of penguins enter his domain, seeking refuge from the blizzard. They've been journeying for a long time, their elder leading them to the Land of Fish and Plenty. The young penguins are exhausted and hungry having no
- It is something which I had hoped I would never have cause to use again. It is a gun. Eat leaden bloody death, ya penguin-eatin' bastich!
Appearing in "P-P-P-Penguin!"
- Elder Penguin (Dies)
- Dawg (Flashback and main story)
- Leopard-Bear (Only appearance; dies)
- Kris "Crusher" Kringle (Dies in flashback)
- Santa's Elves (Flashback only)
- Cyril (Flashback only)
- Donovan (Dies in flashback)
- Salmon Bisley (Dies in flashback)
- Big Bastich (Dies in flashback)
- Kong (Flashback only; final appearance)
- Pingu (The Penguin God) (Mentioned only)
- Dorothy Gale (Cameo)
- Toto (Cameo)
- Arctic Planet (unnamed)
- North Pole (Flashback only)
- Santa's Workshop (Flashback only)
- Frontier Town (Flashback only; unnamed)
- Las Vulgas (Flashback only)
- Lobo's Spacehog (Destroyed)
Synopsis for "P-P-P-Penguin!"
From a high vantage point, a leopard-bear watches a procession of penguins enter his domain, seeking refuge from the blizzard. They've been journeying for a long time, their elder leading them to the Land of Fish and Plenty. The young penguins are exhausted and hungry having not eaten in months, their fat reserves almost gone, but the elder urges them to keep moving or die. Suddenly, without warning, the leopard-bear pounces, tearing several penguins to shreds. The elder penguin orders the panicked group not to separate, as he digs into his backpack and draws a machine gun almost twice his size. Although hoping he'd never have to use the death-dealing memento from his past ever again, the elder pumps several rounds into the savage beast as the youngsters look on in awe. As the sabre-toothed creature draws it's last breath, the elder praises great Pingu for delivering them food.
The small rookery take a moment of respite from the harsh frozen winds around a fire, feasting on the roasted kill. Eagerly, the younger generation all demand to know where the strange weapon came from. Reluctantly the elder agrees to recount the story of his shameful, violent past he prayed he'd never have to speak of.
- The young penguin and his rebellious friends harassed their colony, tripping elders, pecking younger birds and even breaking eggs. Furious, one mother warned them if they didn't reform, Santa Claus would take them away. The young hooligan birds laughed at the feeble myth, only to discover the truth behind it.
- That night, a hunting party of elves invaded the colony and captured all the healthy adult males, while murdering all the infants and the elderly. Cyril exclaimed how pleased their master would be as they loaded the new slaves onto the sleigh, with another elf remarking how the master was never pleased, and they'll be beaten just the same. Donovan cracked, fleeing at the thought of having to return to the factory, completely forgetting about the explosive in his head to prevent such attempts.
- At the bleak toy factory, the terrified penguins came face to face with Kris "Crusher" Kringle himself. The cruel enslaver made an example of one penguin by cutting him in half with one crack of his whip. The rest fell in line, resigning themselves to a life of endless toil and abject humiliation.
- Their miserable existence all changed the day Lobo blasted his way the door. The bounty hunter was even more brutal than their tyrannical enslaver, defeating Crusher in a bloody duel of machetes. Liberated, the grateful penguins followed the Main Man with admiration.
One of the penguins notices a break in the storm, and the elder packs up his firearm and instructs the others to carry what food they can. As they waddle through the snow, the elder continues his sordid story.
- As the devoted groupies trailed Lobo's every move, they too became accustomed with getting away with bullying and theft, as no one would touch them if they believed they were under the ruthless Czarnian's protection. Occasionally the dog would get hungry and pick off a penguin or two, but such losses were ignored. The day eventually came when their volatile idol turned on them. Fed up with his loner persona being besmirched by the cuddly critters, 'Bo blasted one of them away as a warning to the rest.
The elder penguin looks up and sees a streak of light blaze across the night sky. Taking it as an omen, he rushes after it with the belief that it will lead to the bounteous promised land. In the distance, the fireball collides with a mountain peak and crashes to the base in a tremendous explosion. Lobo emerges from the flaming wreckage of his ruined SpazFrag.
- The deluded penguins had spent so much time living large around Lobo, they actually believed themselves to be tough outlaws. They continued to travel the galaxy, looting and killing as they pleased, until their notoriety caught up with them and a one hundred thousand credit bounty was placed on The Penguin Gang.
- After robbing a casino in Las Vulgas, the wanted birds were attacked by their former hero. Lobo offered them the chance to be taken in alive, but the Penguin Gang refused to take the betrayal with grace. All were gunned down by the bounty hunter except for one. The wounded penguin fell into the nearby river and drifted downstream.
The elder regales how that was the moment he turned his back on crime and returned home to settle down and raise some eggs. Spying the nearby glow, the elder drops his pack and races towards the light, only to gasp in horror at Lobo warming himself over his fuel tank. The Czarnian's keen nose recognises a familiar smell, while three youngsters pull the gun from the elder's bag to examine it. As they foolishly pull the trigger, Lobo dives out of the path of incoming fire. Remembering the elder's face he assumes the Penguin Gang is still up to their old tricks and massacres the entire colony.
As 'Bo sits waiting for the mechanics to show up, in what will be roughly a week, he takes comfort in the fact that he has booze, cigars... and plenty of food.
- No special notes.
- The penguins worship the God "Pingu," named after the children's television character.
- One penguin is carving a Batman figure at the toy factory.
- Likenesses of Dorothy and Toto from The Wizard of Oz are blown past in the blizzard.
- Salmon Bisley is a homage to regular Lobo artist Simon Bisley.
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Links and References
- No external links.