"Bad Wee Bastards": King Drago shows Lobo his Microverse, a miniature universe contained within an orb on his coffee table, carefully maintained by an oscillator that allows the ornamental universe to expand at the same rate as the one it inhabits. Drago explains that he wan
- Ya got exactly five seconds ta explain whut's goin' on here, release me, an' placate me with valuable gifts... or I stomp all over ya! Whaddya say t' that, huh, ya little shrimps?
- -- Lobo
Appearing in "Bad Wee Bastards"
- King Drago (Only appearance; dies)
- The Bad Wee Bastards (Only appearance; all die)
- "Titch" (Only appearance; dies)
- Dorado, the Golden Girl (Single appearance)
- Dragon-Folk Emissaries (Appears only as a corpse)
- Dragon Empire
- King Drago's Palace (Destroyed)
- Microverse (Destroyed)
- Probability Generator (Destroyed)
Synopsis for "Bad Wee Bastards"
King Drago shows Lobo his Microverse, a miniature universe contained within an orb on his coffee table, carefully maintained by an oscillator that allows the ornamental universe to expand at the same rate as the one it inhabits. Drago explains that he wants to hire Lobo to cleanse it of life. Not eager to be shrunk down again, Lobo first questions why he even cares about some insignificant specks, followed by asking why the King doesn't just send his own subjects in. Drago wisely acknowledges that the Dragon-Folk were once considered "insignificant," now he rules an empire spanning light-years. Despite sterilising daily with chlorine gas, he believes life stubbornly persists. He sent his own emissaries to investigate, but they never returned. Drago introduces Dorado, the Golden Girl to Lobo, his payment should he accept the job. Lobo's eyes bulge at the alluring auric woman, convincing him make a deal immediately.
Before the mercenary is reduced to a probability wave and beamed into the Microverse, Drago confiscates Lobo's sidearm, claiming he can't risk any advanced technology falling into the hands of intelligent life. He hands Lobo a remote that will beam him back once all life has been exterminated, and activates the probability generator, painfully teleporting the Main Man into the ornamental universe. Drago notices the weight calculations are out, but manages to compensate for the unexpected difference.
Lobo wakes up bound to the ground, surrounded by a swarm of tiny aliens not much bigger than his finger. He directs his anger at the three aliens standing atop a wooden tower, demanding he be released. They respond by ordering a volley of spears to be hurled at the strange giant. Lobo in kind retaliates with a projectile of his own, knocking the trio from their observation deck with a wad of spit. He sits up, tearing his bonds from the earth, before squishing, stomping, and crushing any of the compact captors within his reach. He corners the last two remaining miniature men and grabs one in each hand, demanding to know if they've seen any lizards in the last few days. The warrior in his right says some that fit the description arrived three years ago, but the other in his left defiantly proclaims he'll never tell him where they are. Lobo decapitates him with a flick of his thumb, and his right-hand man becomes much more obliging.
Lobo is directed to the Dragon-Folk, or rather their corpses, as they too were bound and partially eaten. At the sight of the half eaten bodies, Lobo asks just how many of them there are. His question is answered when he turns to see an entire army advancing towards him. From the throng of soldiers and war machines, Lobo is bombarded with ballistics. He tucks "Titch" into a pouch and draws a concealed weapon from his jacket, firing on the primitive hoards with far more destructive force. The diminutive army flees in terror, not because of the massacre, but the approaching gas cloud. Lobo coughs on the irritating chlorine gas, until it dissipates, then prepares to finish what he started.
The petite people call a truce while looking down the barrel of the fearsome weapon, curious to know what it is. Lobo explains the gun, the concept of the Microverse, and how Drago sends the poison gas each day, which is the equivalent of a year to them. Despite this incredible revelation, the little beings are defiant to the last, boasting that Drago's attempts will never be enough for their prolific birth rate. Lobo tells them that has all changed, now that he's been hired to exterminate them all, as he whips out a small arsenal of mini-nukes from his person, and sets them on a ten minute timer. Lobo gathers up the deceased dragon emissaries and presses the remote to send him back. The race of pint-sized aliens quickly work out that ten minutes equals three days in their universe, and frantically get to work on figuring out the bombs.
Lobo materialises before King Drago with the reptilian carcasses in tow. Drago's worst thoughts are vindicated when Lobo confirms there was conscious life, but the bounty hunter assures him they'll soon be dead with the chain reaction the explosion starts. Drago looks at him incredulously, realising what all the extra weight was. He curses Lobo for putting advanced technology into the hands of hostile, sentient life, while a tiny stowaway leaps from the Main Man's pouch unseen. Lobo refuses to take any crap, regardless of royalty, and punches King Drago off his feet, who becomes tangled amongst the oscillator cables, while Lobo absconds with Dorado as payment.
The tiny creature formally stashed on Lobo jumps onto the control panel of the probability generator to summon his people, now armed with high explosives. King Drago removes himself from the wires that keep the Microverse from expanding too fast, relieved that it hasn't been damaged. His solace is short-lived, as he is killed by a barrage of missiles. In the salvo, the oscillator is damaged, and Lobo watches as one universe erupts violently into another in the distance. He blasts off on his hawg, taking his gilded gal to the nearest motel for some fun before cashing her in.
- Lobo at first refuses King Drago's request, saying something always goes wrong on shrink jobs, a reference to Lobo: Fragtastic Voyage.
- No trivia.
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Links and References
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